THE 10 DIFFERENT TYPES OF HORSE OWNERS 1. THE KNOW-IT-ALL This person has to give his/her opinion even when not asked. They will make remarks like You know, The reason why your horse bucked you off is because your back cinch was too loose , The reason your horse is tossing his head is because his bit is too low in his mouth, the reason your horse is buddy sour because you havent done the join-up method, The reason your horse spooked is because he doesnt view you as his leader and the reason your horse wont go forward is because your saddle is on backwards. Ok, smart-ass, I dont need you to tell me my horses saddle is on backwards, I can figure that out on my own. 2. THE HOARDER This person has a collection of 30 horses, of every shape, size, color, and breed. She also has 12 sheep, 3 pigs, 10 turkeys, 2 geese, 5 dogs, 7 cats, 200 fish and a venus-fly trap. She doesnt actually ride her horses, shes actually afraid of them, but she feels like they would end up in the wrong hands if she would sell them. None of them have seen the farrier, vet, or curry comb in 3 years and they are so wooly and dirty she thinks she might have accidently started a yak collection too, but shes not sure. 3. THE VET This person is the web-md of the barn. She is the first one to diagnose every horse, sick or healthy. Your horse is colicking and she says its not colic but a case of Moon Blindness caused by hard water, sweet feed, alfalfa, and your farrier. She suggests you book the next appointment at UC Davis even though you live in upstate New York. You google everything, just hoping shes wrong. 4. THE BACK-YARD OWNER This person keeps his/her horse at home. He/she has put up panels to section off her back yard. Half of the corral is the cinder block wall that encloses her quarter-acre home. Bailing twine helps keep the corrals in tip-top shape. He/She will occasionally muck the stalls(only in flip-flops) when the neighbors start complaining about the fly problem. Thankfully her HOA requires all houses to have a garage, which doubles as a great horse shelter when the weather is bad. 5. MR NATURAL HORSEMANSHIP HIMSELF This person thinks its cruel to put bits in horses mouths and shoes on horses feet. They use words like barbaric and torture in any conversation regarding bits or shoes, but somehow they dont think it’s cruel for themselves to ride the horse. Because we all know a snaffle bit and horse shoes are much more tortuous than a 300lb rider with a 50lb saddle on a barely 900lb horse. And dont even mention SPURS. SPURS are the mark of the devil. Spurs are actually made out of little microfibers of Lucifers horns. 6. SAFETY-FIRST SALLY Safety-first Sally is very adamant that the reason why any horse-injury occurs is because someone forgot to wear their helmet. Broken toe? A helmet would have prevented that. Strained groin muscle? A helmet would also have prevented that, too. Safety-first Sally also makes sure the horse is as protected as she is. She would wrap the horse in bubble wrap if she could find out where to buy bubble wrap in bulk, but settles with dressing the horse head to toe in protective gear. Hoof boots, bell boots, sports medicine boots over split boots, anti-slip saddle pad, rubber bits, breakaway stirrups and reins, and a cell phone attached to yourself and to the horse incase he needs to call for help. Actually he is trained to dial 9-1-1. That is the first lesson in safety….teaching you horse to dial 9-1-1. 7. MRS. HORSE-POOR This is the owner that will sleep on a park bench, eat out of the dumpster and bathe in a McDonalds bathroom so her horse doesnt have to go without. The horse will only get the best of the best. Best food, best trainer, best barn, best farrier, etc. Mrs. Horse-Poor resembles a bag lady while her horse resembles Brad Pitt(in his younger years, before all the kids) 8. FRUGAL FRED Frugal Fred is always looking for a way to save a buck. He is a self-taught farrier and only lamed up every horse hes owned. He will take a tube of wormer and divide it between 3 horses with the mentality that a little wormer is better than no wormer. He will sneak his horses over to the local golf course so they can get free meals. He will never spend money buying a horse when there are perfectly good free ones on craigslist. He is also a self-taught trainer, and even though none of his horses are able to be ridden, they can all shake and play dead on command. 9. THE SHOW-GETTER The Show-Getter is the go-getter of the show world. She only smiles if the judges are looking at her. If shes not winning blue ribbons every weekend, youre talking her out of jumping off the bridge. She thinks the move Tanya Harding pulled is justifiable if blue ribbons are on the line. She will occasionally ask to borrow your trail horse to help her unwind and get back to nature, because she cant afford for her 90k show horse to get injured on the trail. Hes too good for trail riding, anyways. 10. THE SIGNIFICANT OTHER The Significant other (SO) is normally the husband. After he realizes he has been cheated on and the one his wife is having an affair with is a 16h, 1250lb chestnut beast with 4 hooves and a walnut for a brain, he decided the only way to win her back is getting a beast of his own. He faithfully goes with his wife and their beasts everywhere, trying his best to find joy in the situation. He still cant figure out how to post. Diagonals and leads are a foreign language to him, but he tries his best. Sitting home watching Nascar on a Sunday is no comparison like a nice romp in the woods, chaffed butt, and bruised balls. He cant understand why his wife couldnt just be happy owning a couple of pet hamsters instead of an animal that tries to kill him on a regular basis. By Maria Wachter BlackmanRanch
Posted on: Mon, 19 Jan 2015 07:43:53 +0000
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