THE ULTIMATE SATIRE (Reported,not my ideas) A man has two scorpion tails that must never be stepped on barefooted – his mother’s reputation and his religious belief. Man can easily kill and has killed when these two very volatile lines are crossed. One of Nigeria’s biggest problem today and even the world over is religious intolerance, never dismiss a man’s belief or his religious figure head. Cartoonists, writers, poets, journalists etc have had fatwa placed on their heads like a falling mace for mouthing off at someone’s belief. Unfortunately, brethren never learn from history and these have caused a lot of broken hearts and bleeding heads. Brother Rotimi Amaechi whom I thought was a good Christian with insight and wisdom missed the teaching of the Bible that says - Touch not my anointed, and do my prophets no harm. He did not only touch the anointed he went ahead and insulted a wild Christian’s Jesus Christ and hell and mace broke loose under his roof. Brother Amaechi can no longer claim ignorance to the cause of the tsunamic turmoil that has flooded his House. Brethren, many times have we heard that God’s ways are not our ways, therefore we must be mindful of our surroundings. How else do we explain how a very humble woman, born in the riverine area of Okrika (the home of second hand goods) who has been preaching about widows and children, travelling in canoes and been laughed at because of her utterances, is actually the saviour we have all been waiting for? Ever since Evangelist Evans’s revelation about our most Venerable Patience Jonathan my joy has known no bounds. The explosion of Pentecostalism in Nigeria has eventually paid off tremendously for us because our lord and saviour chose our nation as the host country for the second coming. Halleluyah somebody! If by now you still don’t believe that the right Venerable Patience Jonathan is Evangelist Evans’ Christ, that means you need to pray for the holy ghost fire to burn logs off your eyes and soften your heart of stone to believe. What has been hidden from our prophets, pastors, prophetesses, bishops, arch bishops, reverends, most reverends, reverend fathers and all the Pentecostal paramilitaries has been revealed to a politician. God is wonderful. I hope we can now all believe the First Lady’s testimony in an Abuja church that she died and rose after seven days. Evangelist Evans’ Jesus Christ of Okrika rose from the dead after seven good days and this shattered the previous three days record in the now old new testament. We Nigerians despite our churches and cathedrals and worshipping culture were doubting Thomases when she preached this sermon a while back, hang your heads in shame brothers and sisters. No other outstanding miracle since the first Jesus Christ turned water to Merlot in a Galilean wedding. Now it is obvious that Evangelist Evans’ Jesus Christ was the one that converted cassava to bread, not anybody else. And guess who was the mother of the day at Evangelist Evans Bipi’s wedding? The right Venerable Patience Jonathan, of course. If you have come this far and you are still doubting Evangelist Evans’ claim that our First Lady is his Jesus Christ, let’s see what the Bible says about Christ’s second coming in 1st Thessalonians - Now, brothers and sisters, about times and dates we do not need to write to you, for you know very well that the day of the Lord will come like a thief in the night. While people are saying, “Peace and safety,” destruction will come on them suddenly, as labour pains on a pregnant woman, and they will not escape. Now do you see what I am saying? Did the First Lady not come upon us like a thief in the night? Has some newspapers not even misread this prophesy and sometimes called the poor woman a thief! A prophet is really without honour in his home country. Oh shame on you blasphemous people! Brethrens, don’t let your life be that while people are screaming “Peace and Safety” you allow destruction in form of mace to come down suddenly on your head because of your unbelief. If you are still wondering while someone’s head was broken with a mace, then you are really a neophyte Christian. Let me tell you, never mouth off at someone’s Jesus Christ, you will never go free because justice will be swift. Someone please go to the book of John 18, verse 10: Then Simon Peter, who had a sword, drew it and struck the high priest’s servant, cutting off his right ear. Brethren, since we have moved from the use of sword as a weapon of war to mace, Evangelist Evans and the five disciples had no choice but to smash a head for their master’s sake, to let the pagan politician know they weren’t faffing around. And just like in the Bible, where Jesus Christ (in his first coming) told Simon Peter to put away his sword, Evangelist Evans’ Jesus just released a statement this week for her disciples to put their mace away and embrace peace. Despite all these and even now that Evangelist Evans Bipi has revealed Christ’s identity to us, some of our brothers and sisters are still jumping up and down, building churches, crusading, defrauding poor people, seeing fake vision 202020 and telling Nigerians that Christ is coming meanwhile Christ is already walking on waters in Rivers. Since that violent crusade in the House, and a brother held Evangelist Evans the way a pastor holds a worshipper under the influence of the holy spirit, and he confessed the profound words that has shifted our paradigm – “Why must he be insulting my mother, my Jesus Christ on earth?…I cant take it…” I have not been able to look many pastors in the face. How long can these false prophets lie to their congregations? Why do millions of Christians in Nigeria have to get this very vital piece of revelation about Jesus Christ from a boxer-looking politician instead of the president of CAN? I hope that our men of God are prepared to see the drop in church attendance and revenue because all roads now lead to Okrika, our new Jerusalem. Woe betide Nigeria government if they don’t capitalize on this and turn Okrika, where Evangelist Evans’ Jesus was born, to a tourist attraction and save tax payers’ money on annual pilgrimage sponsorship to far away old Jerusalem. Every Christian should be able to afford themselves Ekene Dili Chukwu or Arik ticket to Okrika. To end this sermon, someone should remind Professor Wole Soyinka that the Venerable Patience Jonathan is not a pekelemense white Jesus Christ he considers a fictional character. She is the formidable and unshakeable lord of five fervent disciples, their very first homemade black Jesus Christ. The old Prof should refrain from further blasphemies because surviving the taking over of a radio station and fighting military dictatorship to a standstill is like a child’s play when it comes to withstanding Evangelist Evans and the five disciples. Soyinka’s cataclysmic grammar can not form a helmet when a mace comes down on his white head. Brothers and sisters, lets do a sign of the mace, service has ended, groan in peace!
Posted on: Wed, 17 Jul 2013 10:18:16 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015