THINGS I MUST TRY TO REMEMBER by Chaz, a Chocolate Labrador I will not play tug-of-war with Dads underwear when hes on the toilet. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff. [you hear that, Molly?] I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when Im lying under the coffee table. I will not roll my toys behind the fridge. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house. I will not eat the cats food, before or after they eat it. I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to throw up. [again: you hear that, Molly?] I will not throw up in the car. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc. [or a dead vulture, Molly!] I will not lick my humans face after eating animal poop. [Molly? you listening?] Kitty box crunchies are not food. I will not eat any more socks and then redeposit them in the backyard after processing. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar. I will not wake Mommy up by sticking my cold, wet nose up her bottom. [again: you hear that, Molly?] I will not chew my humans toothbrush and not tell them. I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging. When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when its raining outside. We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV. [Molly only barks when someone knocks on the door in a movie. Totally not the same thing!] I will not steal my Moms underwear and dance all over the back yard with it. The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom and Dads laps. My head does not belong in the refrigerator. I will not bite the officers hand when he reaches in for Dads drivers license and car registration.
Posted on: Fri, 08 Aug 2014 23:25:30 +0000
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