TWO VERY DANGEROUS WORDS Are You Seldom Satisfied, Easily Bored, Or Constantly Critical? If So, Theres A Deeper Reason For Your Discontent I consider IF ONLY to be two very dangerous words. Theyre dangerous because they actually distract us from the real cause of our unhappiness. IF ONLY has us looking for answers outside ourselves, forever trying to change how others behave in order to feel better about our own lives. We believe that our relationships, work and health could be better, if only this person acted a certain way, or if only there werent so many obstacles in the way. It turns us away from the one thing that CAN change how we feel about our lives. And that is looking within, to how we really feel about ourselves. Because in order to feel at peace and fully content with our lives, we must first and foremost learn to love ourselves. But heres the tricky part: Most of us dont even realize that we dont love ourselves. We think if only we could make a little more money, we could afford the things that would make us really happy... like remodeling our kitchen, buying a better car, or booking a vacation to Hawaii. If only we could get some cooperation around the house from our partner or kids, we could finally relax and do something nice for ourselves instead of wearing ourselves out keeping things tidy and functioning. If only we didnt work such long hours or have such a long commute, we would have the energy to go to the gym and eat better, and take better care of our health. But the truth is none of those if onlys will make us feel happy at all. Even if we got everything we wanted, there would be something else that would eat away at our contentment, because the if onlys are only SYMPTOMS of the real problem. So we need to get clear about the real problem, so we can focus on a solution that will REALLY work. 2 Signs That You Dont Really Love Yourself The real problem, and why so many of us feel chronically unhappy with our life, is related to how we really feel about ourselves. In order to feel at peace and fully content with our lives, we must first and foremost learn to love ourselves. And for most of us, its hard to know whether or not we truly love and accept ourselves, or if we just think we do. So what are the signs that you actually dont love yourself? When working with individuals in therapy or in a group session, there are many signs that point to a person not loving themselves. These two are particularly insidious, because they lie beneath that chronic sense of discontent that can last decades - a lifetime, even. See if you can relate: SIGN #1: You Run Yourself Ragged Trying To Be Everything To Everyone Your boss sends you a last minute request, and you always do them right away, even when it means missing dinner dates, time with your kids, or workouts with friends at the gym. You offer to watch your neighbours dog while hes on vacation, even though you barely have time to walk and play with your own dog. You say yes even when you dont have the time, energy or desire, because you dont want to disappoint the people that count on you. You think your problem is that youre not organized enough, that you dont set good enough boundaries or that theres just not enough time in the day to do everything you want to do. Actually the problem isnt that at all. The problem is that you dont love yourself, so youre always trying to prove something to someone - that youre a good partner, a good parent or a good employee. Unless you learn to love yourself, youll forever run yourself ragged and never feel accomplished. Feeling Overwhelmed By Everyones Demands? You spend the whole day making sure everyone is happy, but who is taking care of YOU? Before anyone can love and care for you, you must learn to love yourself. Learn the single most powerful therapeutic technique I know to gain back your sense of peace and contentment, regardless of how stressful your life feels now. SIGN #2: You Never Feel Like Youre Enough No matter what you do for others, you dont feel like youre enough, meaning, you dont ever feel that people truly love or respect you. Nothing you do is ever enough to make others (or yourself) satisfied for long. If youre single, this shows up in that sinking feeling you get whenever your partner is acting distant or your worry over whether or not theyll call you again. They may have told you they had a nice time on the date, but you wont believe them. Youre convinced that other people have great relationships, but that you never will. If youre in a relationship, it could mean that you seethe with jealousy whenever your partner talks about another person or pays attention to anyone else. You fear being abandoned and you worry about them breaking up with you. You cant handle criticism and feel like your partner is constantly on your back about something. At work it means not feeling appreciated or respected for your contribution. At home it can be second-guessing how you treated your kids. Did you say the right thing? Is someone going to think youre a bad parent? It could show up as never being happy with how you look or feel and therefore giving up on the habits that can really make a difference in your health. You may think all these problems are the results of choosing the wrong partner, or having an inconsiderate boss or out-of-control kids. But actually these are all symptoms of a greater problem - that you dont love yourself. And it can lead to strained or broken relationships, career setbacks and a whole host of health issues. Not loving yourself is a symptom of so many personal problems, but there is one solution that can turn everything around. Learning To Love Yourself Is A Simple Process With A Lifetime Of Rewards You can solve a lot of the problems youre experiencing in life if you just learn to love yourself. You dont have to run yourself ragged anymore. You dont have to feel inadequate in any area of life, or wonder if youll ever be loved the way you deserve. You just need to learn how to tap into who you really are, and then accept yourself fully. When you learn to love yourself, all your relationships can be transformed. Youll no longer run yourself ragged, trying to please everyone and never feeling like youre enough at the end of the day. Relationships will energize you instead of draining you. Youll feel self-assured, relaxed and free, at last.
Posted on: Thu, 15 Jan 2015 11:11:52 +0000
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