Tanyas Transformation - Week 1 This is the most intense thing I have ever done. I am a very open person by nature, but opening myself up on this level is different. There is an ugly underbelly to being obese. At least for me there is. Theres some self loathing and some shame involved and it can be a lot to take, let alone to lay it all out bare for the world to see. Even still, I am going to show you that side, and more of who I am as the weeks go by; because I know there are many people who have all the same thoughts and behaviours that I do surrounding our weight and health. The only way we can get through it is together! Regardless of how alone you feel. So please consider this me offering you my friendship and support no matter what you are facing. I was at that point! That proverbial place where frustration and heartache meet up and either propel you to something better, or eat you alive. I have two young children and a husband who need me at my best so giving up is just not an option. In the last four years my health has taken a substantial dive. Not only have I gained a ton of weight, but I have been falling apart in others ways also. I have had ear infections and skin infections, boils, impetigo, colds, rashes upon rashes and this list goes on. I have almost always been a bit chubby, minus a few good years in my mid 20s. But I have never been unhealthy. After a round of gestational diabetes complete with insulin dependency (despite kicking ass with my diet) I realized how quickly this could become the rest of my life. Its been scary looking at my kids and the love between us, thinking I was throwing it all away for food. FOOD! How is that even possible?! The thing is, it’s beyond logic and rationale and the only way to change it is to change your whole lifestyle - your whole way of functioning, how you deal with your emotions, how you think about food. And that is hard and frightening. I was so afraid to walk in the doors at World Gym. I kept coming up with excuses to not go, and after a few weeks of that crap I finally made up my mind and went. It changed everything. That one act, that one simple decision has changed my life already in a matter of months. I walked in holding my breath and was met by the warm and friendly face of Darci, who gave me a tour and set me up with a personal trainer named Harold. I had never been to an actual big business gym before, let alone had a personal trainer, so I was way out of my comfort zone. Harold and I were instantly friendly and its been great for the last few months. He pushes me much further than I would ever have pushed myself. I look at the weights I am lifting and the reps I am completing and I am blown away that I am capable of it. I have gained friends at the gym! Friends!! I sometimes still cant believe it. There are no gaggles of intimidating people looking down on me. The staff is so laid back and efficient. In short, it feels very comfortable. Its almost like home. When it was announced that there was going to be an offer for a year free training and nutritional counselling, I felt ok pouring it all out on the table for strangers to see. When it was announced that I had won I didnt quite know what to think. I was elated. The freedom given to me to attack my obesity head-on was unfathomable! Stuff like this doesnt happen to people like me. After a few days a bit of fear set in. What if I cant do it? Sure, people are watching me and its going to be so nice to be healthy and fit, and that alone should be motivation enough. But the reality is that nothing has been enough yet. Not my body shape, not my love of ballet, not my teenage years, not my wedding dress, not my pregnancies. So why now? What is so different now that could propel me to a better and capable place? My life. I do not want to die. Not now at 33, not at 56, not at 70. I want to live a long life, but more than that I want to live a healthy life. I want to be independent and strong until my last breath. I havent been very successful in preparing myself for that, until now. What remains is the emotional aspect. Its just now sinking in that I really dont know yet what I have signed myself up for emotionally, and THAT is where all of this crap thrives. In my emotions. In dealing with stress and pain and even happiness. But, I am a strong and relatively introspective person and with the support of Harold, Matt, the World Gym Barrie family and my own family and friends, I think I my just be able to lean on the strength of the army of love behind me when burn out sets in and cookies sneak into the food plan. Welcome to my journey! I truly want to succeed in every aspect of this transformation and I know I am capable of it. It will be hard, and messy, and occasionally ugly. But its worth it. -Tanya
Posted on: Sat, 20 Sep 2014 13:37:31 +0000
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