That bittersweet moment when your best friend texts you in the middle of the night to say your story is being featured on the front page of AOL, but then warns you not to read the comments. Im choosing to be thankful for the extra coverage - every additional set of eyes on this is one step closer to potentially finding the couple who I truly have the believe would be interested in also finding me. One thing that didnt make the original article, at least not fully, was that this couple I am trying to find did actually reach out to me at one point through the donor agency. They wanted me to donate again, and even suggested doing a split cycle when they found out about my condition and learned I was on the verge of pursuing IVF. I eventually had to decline their offer, but they followed up with a letter - sent to me via the agency. In it, they told me a bit about their toddlers and thanked me again for how I had helped to create their family. They were warm and sincere, and I was crying just a few sentences in. They wished me luck on my pregnancy endeavor, and said, “I can only believe that the good you put into the world will come back to you many times and that you will be successful. Perhaps you will let us know. I would like that very much.” At the end of the letter, they offered to send me pictures of their twins – provided I was interested in seeing them. They finished it with a smiley face and told me to let them know. I replied immediately to the agency that, “Yes, please, I would love to see pictures!” But I never heard anything again. Not even after multiple attempts. The agency just went radio silent on me. I dont know what really happened. Maybe they changed their minds. Truthfully, if the agency had told me that was the case - this would be a different story and I would not be pursuing them now. But based on that last communication from them, including their offer of pictures but also their request that I perhaps be willing to update them down the line on my life and pregnancy attempts, I dont think that was what happened. I honestly believe in my heart that they would be open to knowing me more as well, if I could just find them. So... I am taking a deep breath today and reminding myself that exposure is a good thing. Even when it is terrifying. Also, just because I think it needs to be said - the photos used in this article were pulled directly from my donor profile. They were commissioned and paid for by the agency I went through - a full photo session with a professional in LA, including hair and makeup. I chose to include those pictures because Im hopeful that if the family sees them, they will immediately recognize them from my profile. But even more than that, I think they are representative of issues within the egg donation world that deserve to be addressed. The agency had photos of me in my life, with my friends, not posing as a model - they chose to pay for these instead. Because they were presenting me as a product. A commodity. And at 24, I didnt know to even think of that as odd. Nor did I care that my boobs were on display. But that doesnt make me a bad person. It just made me naive and young. OK, back to that deep breathing. I feel much better now that I have that off of my (currently covered and hidden under a turtleneck, but still totally mine and not in any way enhanced - not that there is anything wrong with enhanced breasts, but seriously, my donations did not go toward paying for a boob job) chest. Please keep your fingers crossed. I remain so completely hopeful.
Posted on: Thu, 25 Sep 2014 16:04:04 +0000
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