The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner......Talk about Dyson with death. I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin, 3 hours later and theyre still walking about with it. I thought to myself, theyve lost the plot!! My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were £70!!! Bugger this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web. I was at an ATM yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over. I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move. I was driving this morning when I saw a parked AA van. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to myself, that guys heading for a breakdown.. Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs are not Happy. Paddy says Mick, Im thinking of buying a Labrador ........Blow that says Mick have you seen how many of their owners go blind? My girlfriend thinks that Im a stalker. Well, shes not exactly my girlfriend yet. Two Muslims have crashed a speedboat into the Thames barrier in London ........ Police think it might be the start of Ram-a-dam. Sat opposite an Indian lady on the train today, she shut her eyes and stopped breathing. I thought she was dead, until I saw the red spot on her forehead and realised she was just on standby. The wife was counting all the 5ps and 10ps out on the kitchen table when she suddenly got very angry and started shouting and crying for no reason. I thought to myself, Shes going through the change. Local Police hunting the knitting needle nutter, who has stabbed six people in the rear in the last 48 hours, believe the attacker could be following some kind of pattern. Murphy says to Paddy, What ya talkin into an envelope for? Im sending a voicemail ya thick eejit ! Just got back from my mates funeral. He died after being hit on the head with a tennis ball. It was a lovely service. 19 paddies go to the cinema, the ticket lady asks Why so many of you? Mick replies, The film said 18 or over.
Posted on: Thu, 31 Jul 2014 11:32:25 +0000
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