The Point of No Return Sometimes you know something is the last one, the last time, the last opportunity. But usually you don’t. Usually you just go on doing something, having something, being somebody with all the future times stretched out before you, like some kind of promise. And you know, if you think about it, because you’ve already faced the end of things before, usually you know that nothing is promised. Nothing is guaranteed. Everything ends, good or bad. A toothache ends when the tooth is fixed or pulled. A marriage ends when it’s fixed or not fixed. A childhood ends when the child reaches a place where innocence is no longer possible. Everything ends, good or bad. But usually you believe things will last, in spite of your experience and knowing, deep down. If you stay in the moment, like you know and believe and preach, it doesn’t matter if it’s last or first or middle. If you believe that the present moment is the only reality, what does it matter what comes next, or what came before? But you don’t do that. You exist on a track, with lines behind and before you, and you depend on that continuity to exist, so you don’t fall off into nothingness. And when the last moment comes you don’t know it until you are further down the track, and the last time your son played with trucks in the dirt is past and he will never play with trucks in the dirt again. Or the last time you heard your mother’s voice was on the answer machine and you erased it and now it’s gone and you will never hear it again. But you didn’t know. How could you know? So what do you do? You keep every message you receive from your loved ones and you keep changing out the tape because it gets so full that you have no room for new messages. And you take lots of pictures in case this is the last time your daughter will bring you flowers from the yard. Here she is bringing me a gardenia, look at that sweet hand. But many things are lost along the way and if you had grabbed them in their place and squeezed them and smelled them and rubbed them on your face, maybe you would have some left along that future track, where you walk alone. If only you had known it was the last…. I passed the sign that read The Point of No Return, but it was painted on the back side.
Posted on: Wed, 18 Sep 2013 19:17:14 +0000
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