The U.S. government has just passed a new law called: The Affordable Boat Act declaring that every citizen MUST purchase a new boat by April 2014. These boats will cost an average of $54,000-$155,000 each, depending upon its construction materials. Available materials are Paper, Duct Tape, Balsa wood, Lead and Fiberglass. Until now only financially responsible people have been able to purchase boats. The new law ensures that every American will now have a boat of their own, because everyone is entitled to a new boat. Children under the age of 26 can use their parent’s boats to party on until they turn 27; then must purchase their own boat. Members of Congress, Labor Unions, government employees, and employees of any company having proper political affiliation are exempt from this law. If you dont want or dont need a boat, you are required to buy one anyhow. If you refuse to buy a boat you will be regularly fined $800 in Bitcoins until you purchase one. If you have an income below the poverty level, your boat payments will be subsidized by financially responsible taxpayers paying in greenbacks. In order to finance this program, the costs of owning any existing boat will increase an average of 327% per year. People living in the deserts of Waste Texas, inner cities ghettos, or other areas with no access to water within 17 hours are not exempt. Age, susceptibility to motion sickness, or lack of desire are not acceptable excuses for not having a boat. A government review board will decide when, where, how often and for what purposes you can use your boat, along with how many people can ride in your boat. They will also decide if your boat has out-lived its usefulness or if you must purchase a newer and more expensive boat on an annual basis. If you already have a boat, and you are happy with that boat, you can keep it until next fishing season when the rules will change. But wait! That’s not all! If you sign up ONLINE before mid-term elections, you will receive the “Special Boatcare Enrollment Packet” from the White House as a bonus. All packet contents are made in China and directions for usage are in Spanish and Swahili. In addition to non-partisan, damage-control spin information on the IRS, NSA and Libya scandals, the packet contains: • A “Hope & Change” bumper sticker • A “Blame _______________” sign (fill in the blank) for your front yard • An application for unemployment, PTSD disability, Medicaid and food stamps • A Nobel Prize, a free cell phone, a prayer rug and FOUR life jackets
Posted on: Fri, 22 Nov 2013 21:44:37 +0000
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