The Valley of the Kings. Egypt. 1923... The flickering torch cast eerie shadows on the walls of the passage which had not been gazed upon by human eyes for three millennia. When they reached the end, professor Ramsbottom stared intently at the dusty wall. Amanda, look at this cartouche he whispered can you make it out? Miss Fondle donned her spectacles, brushed the dust from the hieroglyph and gasped. It cant be. Professor, this is the tomb of the heretic pharaoh Im-po-tent. And it is still sealed. Good Lord said the professor then we must see what wonders lie within. With a hearty swing of his mattock, professor Ramsbottom smashed a hole in the door and peered through. Good Lord he muttered again... Having gained entry to the undisturbed tomb, the pair were dumbstruck at the marvels within. All about lay statues, furniture, and gold. Everywhere they looked, the most exquisite gold and jewelled artworks were exactly where they had been left. And behind them all, they found a magnificent sarcophagus which was strangely bound with thick ropes. Surrounding it were a collection of beautiful onyx jars. Look Amanda said the professor, the canopic jars. The five sacred repositories of the Pharaohs internal organs which... Six professor said Amanda, there are six. And so there were. The professor then noticed that one jar was different to the others. He stroked his beard, deep in thought, then the answer came to him. The extra jar represents the Egyptian creation myth. That is the only possible answer. Amanda looked puzzled. I take it you are aware that these people believed that the god Amun performed a..a...monomanual act of onanistic self pollution to give birth to the universe? he stuttered. Indeed she replied, blushing, but how does that explain the sixth jar? I believe that it contains the membrum virile of the king stated the professor. His Tommy tiddler? She enquired. Quite so he replied. Then we must open it! she declared. Amanda deftly removed the lid and layer the contents upon the floor. She gasped at the sight before her. Professor, this cannot be human. She mused. It resembles a seafarers telescope with a Bramley apple atop it. Astonishing muttered the academic. I shall take it back to the university for further study. Later my dear he replied, for now we must.. But Amanda had already vacated the tomb with the pharaonic phallus. And unnoticed by the professor, the sarcophagus had begun to tremble... Everyone needs their mummy at some point. If youre nervous about diving in unfamiliar locations, fear not. Come to Falmouth and Atlantic Scuba can offer guided dives at lots of lovely sites with experienced local instructors. Trust me, this isnt some pyramid selling scheme.
Posted on: Fri, 04 Apr 2014 20:26:01 +0000
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