The advantages of being old: 1. The only young women who seem to notice you staring at them are paleontologists. 2. You can walk out of a store with a toaster oven under your arm and if a security guard catches up to you just say oh, I must have forgotten to pay for this. 3. If you wake up in a biker camp after a three day drunken brawl, you dont have to worry about checking certain orifices to see if youve been violated. 4. The shopping carts have motors on them. 5. They give away tube tvs on Craigslist. 6. When you ask the waitress at Shoneys for a lap dance, she thinks you are just being cute. 7. Every ten thousandth visitor at the Welcome Center at the Florida state line who says Im starting to like this already wins a heating pad. 8. Granted the square dance clean up committee meeting was a little unstructured, but OMG can it get a little steamy when its Saturday night full tilt promenade time. 9. The Jamaican male nurses disposition can get ugly every third visit to your room to get you to stop practicing blowing your rape whistle. 10. The cashier puts up his hand when he sees you reach for your AARP card at the Steam Threshing Jamboree ticket booth.
Posted on: Thu, 27 Mar 2014 13:25:56 +0000
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