The eulogy read by Stacey Carter as Joshs funeral Yesterday Martha and I were looking at old pictures of Josh. There was one of the day after we met, a gorgeous July afternoon in Olympia, WA, at a party at his house. The day had a magical quality to it, I remember it as one of the most beautiful days of my life. Josh and I had some wonderful adventures, travelling the country with two dogs in a Chevy van. We shared a love of horses, and eventually settled down in NC with visions of starting a horse farm together. Josh went to horseshoeing school, but after practicing his trade for a couple of years he learned that shoes were not very good for the horses, so he refused to put shoes on them and became a natural hoof trimmer. Today natural barefoot trimming is pretty common, but back then not many people had even heard of such a thing. Many people wanted shoes on their horses, but Josh refused. As he saw it, he worked for the best interest of the horses, not the owners. Josh cared deeply for animals, and was frustrated with people who just didn’t get it. This wasn’t just true at work, either. As we struggled with banks and shady mortgage brokers, we both learned the truth of a cold, hard world, and Josh wanted little to do with it. He wanted to live in a world of kindness and compassion, and in some ways he created that world around himself. Like dogs and horses, children also gravitated to Josh. Fun loving and playful, he was wonderful with kids and wanted very much to have his own. In September 2004 Jared was born, and instantly became the most important person in Josh’s life. He was a one of a kind dad, who loved his son more than anything else in the world. Josh and I struggled and eventually separated, and over time our lives continued to go in different directions. Through it all his love for Jared never wavered. Josh was extremely intuitive and seemed to have a connection with other worlds. When we would watch movies he could always predict the ending halfway through. I don’t know how he did it, he just knew. One of his favorite television shows was Crossing Over with John Edwards. In the show, John talked to loved ones of audience members who had passed, communicating with people on the other side. Josh always had a connection with the other side, often talking to his brother Jared who had passed in 1999. Although I’m no John Edwards, I feel like Josh sends me messages in many ways. If anyone is going to look out for his son from the other side, it is Josh. At the end of his life, Josh was struggling. The world had become dark and challenging, I feel like he began to view it as a hostile place and that was too much for his compassionate, sensitive heart. So many times I have wished that Josh were still here, that he had gotten through that dark time and had been able to bring his gifts into the world. I think in some ways he still does. We can all carry a bit of his spirit with us. When conformity calls for inhumanity, we can rebel and follow our heart. When the music is really good, we can get lost in it, without caring that our dancing might be judged by others. We can put friends and family first, we can put love before appearances, we can speak our truth even if no one else agrees. I think if we all remember Josh in these ways, he would be smiling. I think he would like knowing that he can make the world a more authentic place, even from the other side.
Posted on: Sat, 24 Jan 2015 22:46:24 +0000
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