“The heart of a father is the masterpiece of nature.” From the early days of our relationship, I knew my husband would be an amazing father. When we met he was living at his sister’s, who happened to have two little boys and at the time a third one on the way. Many of our first dates were in her home, us just watching movies, making dinner and talking the night away. Once we were engaged, I moved in as well and so the first year and a half we were together we were always around our nephews. The first few times I saw him play with Jaiden and Jakub, I knew instantly that he was made to become a father. Children, of all ages, love my husband! No one else seems to exist when we are over, they simply love to play with him, climb all over him and show him all of their toys. He knows, instinctively, how to balance play time with learning and also with discipline. Three little boys a year apart are going to require a fair amount of discipline, and when they fight he calmly talks to them about their behaviour. His connection to children is a special quality about him, and something that made me love him instantly. Naturally, when it came time to having our children I have always been worried that they would love him more. Reflecting on my own parents there is no difference in my love for them, it’s just a difference in my connection with them. I’ve much more in common with my mom, but personality wise I’m more like my dad. They are each equally my best friends, and I love them dearly but our relationships are distinctly different, and through the various stages of my life I’ve been closer to one over the other. When I was a child and loved to play, my dad was my favourite: he could play for hours on end and never tire. When I was a teenager, I didn’t really want either of them as most teenagers do, but when I needed support I went to my mom. As I aged, I learned that my dad hates when my sister or I are crying, and will immediately send us to our mom, while my mom doesn’t always have patience for financial and work related issues and so we go to our father. They are both wonderful people, whom I adore but ultimately over time, different relationships have been cultivated. That being said, I know that our children would never love my husband more, but rather they would love us differently. For me, I love every stage our son has gone through, watching him become a little guy with a personality has been wonderful! As he ages, and learns to see more of the world it also means he is playing more, and that is where he has the biggest connection to his dad. Throughout the years they will play sports together, watch Hockey games, play outside in the snow, and do many fun activities, that aren’t as easily my favourite things to do. The reason my mom and I have more in common is my favourite things are being with family and friends, and reading. I do love hiking, biking and camping activities but I hate the winter while my husband loves it. I know that Eric will love me too, but I’m going to be the one he comes to with every scratch, trip and fall; with every tear and difficult experience. I will be the comfort he seeks, whereas my husband will be the fun parent. This is something I’ve always known and cherished, but when I come home from work and I see the way that Eric now looks at his father I feel jealousy. I wonder if he will be the favoured parent, and I start to fear being away from Eric. I love my son, and I love my husband….I just wish there were more hours in the day to be with both of them. I’ve always promised myself that I would never love Eric for anything but who he is, and no matter what choices he makes I will be behind him one hundred percent. That hasn’t changed, but it’s hard to admit to oneself at 3am, that when my son is crying, he now prefers my husband to rock him to sleep. I found this quote online and it to me describes what I’m dealing with now: “Nothing really prepares you for kids, for the swells of emotion that roll through your chest like the rumble of boulders tumbling downhill, nor for the all-enveloping labor of it, the sheer mulish endurance you need for the six or seven hundred discrete tasks that have to be done each and every day. Such a small person! Not much bigger than a loaf of bread at first, yet it takes so much to keep the whole enterprise going. Logistics, skills, materiel; the only way we really learn is by figuring it out as we go along, and even then it changes on us every day, so we’re always improvising, which is a fancy way of saying that we’re doing things we technically don’t know how to do.” The only easy part of this journey has been getting pregnant, every other stage has changed me, made me a better wife and a better person so I know that this too will only give me strength. The adjustment of being a working mom means dealing with these feelings of guilt and jealousy, but most of all an intense love for my child; who I still think is the best thing I’ve ever done with my whole life.
Posted on: Thu, 21 Aug 2014 05:15:08 +0000
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