The past few months have been very difficult for me. I’m writing this to hopefully help others that have gone thru or will go thru a similar situation in the future, although I pray that nobody has to deal with what I have. On Aug 22nd Dave and I found out that I was finally pregnant! We were thrilled about the positive tests after wanting a baby for a very long time. The day after we had the positive tests, I had a very bad cycling accident (fracture/dislocated ankle) and needed surgery. Thankfully I knew I was pregnant and had an epidural, because general anesthesia is contraindicated in pregnancy. It was a terrible experience to have to be awake with no sedatives in the OR, but I did it for our baby. Following surgery, I was unable to take pain meds because I didn’t want to risk our baby having birth defects. I took 1 Percocet to get me thru the 1st night following the plate and 6 screw placement. I honestly do not know how I did it, but by the Grace of God and the love of Dave, my mom, and a few very close friends of mine, we did it in hopes of a healthy baby. I went to the OB for an initial screening at what we thought would be 6 weeks. We did an ultrasound, but the dates were not matching up for the measurements of the baby. They had me do 2 HCG tests to make sure my numbers were doubling every 2 days and they came back perfectly. Trying to be optimistic, we thought well maybe the baby is just growing slowly? The 2 OB doctors that I saw didn’t agree with us and refused to register me as an OB patient. They were very hesitant and trying to be extremely real with me that the baby would not survive. The doctors wanted me to come back in another week for a repeat ultrasound because we couldn’t find a heartbeat. We went back a week later and finally saw the heartbeat of our beautiful baby, although the measurement of the baby size was still not good, despite having a good heart rate... In a week the baby had only grown enough for what was equal to 1 day. So they wanted me to come back again in another week for a repeat ultrasound and I just couldn’t do it. The entire scenario of leaving the doctors office crying weekly was too much for me to handle. The following week I was unable to go to Las Vegas for our company trip to the Olympia, because it was more important to rest my body for the baby and to heal my ankle as I’m still non-weight bearing and on crutches. I rescheduled the OB appointment for 2 weeks, because emotionally I needed a break from the negative feeling of possibly losing our baby. On Thursday last week prior to my appointment I wasn’t feeling right. The next day we went to the OB for our scheduled ultrasound and she told me that our baby had died 2 weeks ago. The baby died the day after we were blessed with seeing our child’s heartbeat. It was one of the saddest moments I have ever experienced. It is something I never want to go thru again. To know you have A) lost the baby you have done everything in your power to protect and in the end have no control of the life/death of this child was emotionally devastating. B) To feel the hurt and sadness of what Dave was feeling was something I never want to feel again. It was horrible. Sitting in that office crying together was a feeling that I cannot describe to anyone. Unless you’ve been there and felt that, it’s something that I pray you never have to go thru. After many issues that happened following Friday’s bad news, I had a choice of taking pills to finish the miscarrying process or to have a surgical procedure called a D&C. The baby had already been dead for over 2.5 weeks at this point and the longer you wait, the more you are at risk for sepsis and decreased blood clotting which could make you hemorrhage and need a D&C anyway... I am completely against another surgery and potentially creating scar tissue or injuries in that area so we decided to take the less invasive route and was finally able to take the pills last night. The experience was something I never could have believed would be as bad as it really ended up being. The SEVERE vomiting, nausea, diarrhea, abdominal pains, and severe bleeding was out of control. To have to lay on the floor in the bathroom because you don’t want to go too far from the toilet because of vomiting was completely unexpected. I tried to take a pain pill, but threw it up within 1 minute. It took 5 hours, but I ended up passing the gestational sac and the yolk sac. I write this to educate others on the process of miscarrying a baby because without having a few of my closest friends, family, and Dave to help me through this, it would have been even more depressing. SO MANY women have had miscarriages that have come out of the woodwork telling me about their experiences. I do not understand why people hide what has happened to them? Is it because of a stigma that maybe they did something wrong? Are they embarrassed? Do women feel ashamed? It is a fact of life and a good percentage of people miscarry their first child. I do believe it is a way of weeding out the babies that would have had birth defects and not survived long term. I believe that the Lord only gives us what we can handle. It has certainly been a very rough 2 months for me and I am ready to move past this, educate and help others that are going thru this also, and continue working towards having a family. In Gods time I know it will happen. As I continually say, I am so thankful for the people in my life that have truly been there for so many years and the good and bad times. The love I have for the true, genuine friends in my life is something I will continue to cherish and be grateful for. I’m thankful that even with the distance, my mom was there for me throughout this entire process. It means the world to me to have my mom there supporting me always… and… my partner, love, and best friend throughout all of this, Dave…. He is my rock. He has been there for me every day, sharing each experience with me and no other person on this earth knows more of what WE have been thru losing this child more than Dave. His support and love during this shown me that no matter what we go thru, he will always be there for me and I have found the man I WANT spend the rest of my life with. I love you baby. I hope this helps someone. If I help one person, then it’s worth sharing our story. If anyone has had similar experiences or needs emotional support throughout your journey, please share or contact me at any time. God bless.
Posted on: Thu, 02 Oct 2014 02:27:29 +0000
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