The weekend approaches and if you’re feeling stressed out already, read this one. DISGUSTIPATINGLY YOURS. What you are about to read is ENTIRELY fiction and emanates from my mounting disgust over the Last few months of having to read the same kind of crap – over and over again – for no fault of mine. It may have a striking resemblance to some persons, still alive, but let me state categorically that – is simply co-incidental and probably accidental. So to those of you whose feathers may be ruffled – you can simply PUFF – OFF , and buy another vulture for your aviary. This is the fictitious story of three clowns having a passing resemblance to some existing ones. They had strange sounding names – the first one was Dhandar Patium, the second Tarela Bumlum and the third guy was Khichri Sauceum. All three were strangely prone to hallucinating , day and night about mysterious birds ( read VULTURES). Being 4am buddies their conversations would sound somewhat like : “ Hey Dhandar Patium…….. that red bummed vulturum has not touched the meat we put out for it last week…….I think it is either starving to death…. or has turned vegan due to the NAVRATRA’s”. Dhandar Patium clears his throat and says “ Listen to me Tarela Bumlum!! Hope no one is tapping your ‘phone! The NHS guys confirmed this breed of vultures are flesh eaters……….and remember we paid a bomb for this particular specimen, on our special study tour to CLOUD CUCKOO LAND ?... Try giving it a peg or two of whisky, remember those natives on the island would always pour their local hooch for these birds and then run for their lives before at least two of them had their noses bitten off? ….. just do as I say Tarela Bumlum, and call me back later;….. I was fast asleep dreaming of having deep fried eyeballs in lung soup with 5 vulturums….drool! drool! chomp chomp!!!.” Another meaningful conversation…; this one between Khichri Sauceum and Dhandar Patium went as follows…….at precisely 28 minutes past 2 am. “ Hey Patium, that ugly specimen you asked me to care for, till it is full grown- just took a bite of my bum.” Dhandar Patium retorted happily “Hurrah!!! I knew we were spot- on with this species …it actually LIKES to eat human flesh…Khichri Sauceum, our prayers have been finally answered!!! Bet it is worth every dollar we spent at CLOUD CUCKOO LAND to buy it.” Sauceum cried as he hollered “ you don’t seem to understand . I have 12 stitches on my arse and obviously will not be able to SIT through the meeting we have called to impress the laity of our Aviary Project …. So close and dear to OUR HEARTS and NEEDS”. ”Stop whining” thundered Dhandar Patium- “ let me think of something,” as he scratched his mole ridden nose with the phone receiver.” OK , I got it…. You can give the first presentation on - ‘ WHY IT IS ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY TO BE LAID OUT ON A CONCRETE SLAB, after death, of course, AND ROT AWAY , ALONGSIDE OTHER LIKEMINDED CORPSES TILL SOME PART OF YOUR NOW COMPLETELY EXPOSED ANATOMY CATCHES THE FANCY OF SOME VULTURE’. You can remain standing through the speech……then complain of a pain in your arse…sorry stomach, head or whatever and disappear”. “ Gosh what a great idea sirji !! “ gushed Khichri Sauceum, “ no wonder you’re the leader of our pack!!! I bet even Nostradamus could not have predicted your propensity to manipulate…..of course he (Nostradamus) had more serious DISASTERS to predict on his plate, or crystal ball. Your LATEST from your bagfull of DIRTY TRICKS is also a masterpiece in true blue blooded CHEATING…..allotting flats to your OWN KITH AND KIN has been your trademark stunt for years, SO WHAT IF A FEW DESERVING PERSONS GET STEAMROLLED IN THE BARGAIN??! . You are TRULY blessed with a VULTURIAN APPETITE FOR FEEDING OFF THE POOR AND DEFENCELESS…… ….That Yazdum Desum is such a spoilsport!!!” The reluctant writer.
Posted on: Fri, 29 Nov 2013 06:22:54 +0000
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