There IS a God...the letter I wrote to a local pastor this morning...and why I am still here today. Dear Mr. Heitzig, I was raised an atheist, by academic Marxist parents. I am 45 years old, and have long felt a connection to something greater than myself - to God. God has revealed Himself to me many times and in many ways, but no other time greater than last night. I was recently diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, a severe mental illness characterized by unstable relationships, extreme emotions and the inability to control them when they arise. It has destroyed many aspects of my life over the years, and I never knew there was a name for it or even that anything was wrong with me. Fortunately, it is curable with the right therapy, which I have begun. Three and a half weeks ago, my fiance, the love of my life, finally had enough of my mood swings and disorder, and he left me. Moved out of the house wed shared for two years with my son and his daughter. I was and am devastated. My disorder - which is linked to having too much gray matter in the part of the brain that feels empathy and emotion but too little gray matter in the part of the brain that processes and controls those emotions - has sent me into a tailspin that I felt I could not pull out of. It is thought that 80 percent of people who commit suicide have BPD, and for the past week I had been quite seriously headed in that direction. I cried out to Jesus and to God yesterday, to help me, to take the pain away, to show me the way out of my torment. Within 20 minutes, three friends reached out to me....none of them who knew the others, and all of them strong Christians. One, Andrea, texted from Los Angeles to say she felt compelled to reach out. Another, Sandi, called to ask if I was doing okay. And a third, Manny Baca, a member of your church, reached out of Facebook to say he felt called to contact me and to tell me about your church. He sent me a link to the Calvary website. I went to your site, and the first thing I saw was your sermon, Happy. I watched the whole thing in my bed, where Id been for days, and I FELT the Lord speaking to me, through you. He answered my prayer, and was clear - three Christians reached out for me, to catch me when I was falling. I had been planning my suicide by charcoal grill in my car, to escape the pain, and then there you were, outlining what it takes to be happy. The most moving part, for me, was how we must learn to say NO before we can say YES. No, to people who hurt us - I have been obsessing on the man who walked out on me when I most needed him, instead of thanking the Lord for saying NO to a man who wasnt strong enough to support me and my healing process. I had been begging this man to become what I needed, to say YES to me, when he had clearly demonstrated that he was a BIG FAT NO for my life. That shift in my perspective, thanks to you and to the Lord, changed everything. I am lovable. Just because a weak man could not stand by me when I needed him does not mean I dont deserve to find one who will. Today, I am up and writing my novel in a cafe. (I am a NY Times bestselling author, live in Albuquerque, have done very well in my professional life but never in my personal.) I will attend your church this Sunday, as Mannys guest, and I have a feeling I will become a part of your community, if youll have me. I look forward to meeting you, and to learning more from you in coming years. Sir, you literally saved my life last night. You saved my son from losing his mother. Your words broke through my severe disorder, and brought reason into my disjointed mind. You brought me light and hope in the deepest, darkest night of my soul. And for that, I thank you, from the bottom of my broken heart, I thank you. Sincerely,
Posted on: Thu, 07 Aug 2014 19:16:01 +0000