There are four catalpa trees in my backyard, lined up, side by side, and for me, its the most important place on Earth. Its never mattered what hell was going on inside of the house, or inside of my heart. I could walk outside to them, and immediately feel peace. I remember the second tree best. On its largest branch, i carved a deep wound. I couldnt have been any older than 6, but I felt really guilty like i knew i hurt it. I took the same knife and cut deep into the center of my palm and let the blood run into its gash, as if i was repenting my sins to it. Today , its an even larger and longer recess in the tree. The bark never grow over it, and twenty years later, I could run my hands through it. Today was the hardest day since ive sought psychiatric treatment. I walked backed there, knowing what would happen. I spilled my guts to it. In a way, my soul was bleeding into its gash, again. I fought crying, and i wrapped my arms around it. It felt like when my mother or father really hug me, like they mean it; theres no resisting the dam breaking. I could literally feel the oxytocin spill through my body, and it was done. I was redeemed.
Posted on: Thu, 24 Jul 2014 22:48:19 +0000
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