There once was boy called Jazz. He was a very naughty boy who had caused his THE PARABLE OF A BAD SON CALLED JAZZ There once was boy called Jazz. He was a very naughty boy who had caused his dear, saintly mother much grief by moving to the kingdom of St Kilda and locking himself in a shiny fortress on the Helmskeep (not sure what that means) of Barclay Street. In this deep dark fortress it was as if he had been enchanted by a battalion of ominous dark monitors and encased by the festive remains of salmonella etched feasts and beverages. His mother who was a humble but sometimes hillarious woman from the village of Kingsville cried nightly for news of her son. She made attempts to contact him through various means and appealed to his knight of impersonation merriment, Sir Angus the vacillator. But, alas all of her dutiful impeachments fell upon deaf ears. Where for ist mine first born melon headed child she cried in an unbelievably dreadful German accent. And then it came to her. As she was wringing her hands and another load of washing, her trusty hand maiden Queen Latiffa fun-wee boodle buddle emerged from a heady day of birdie watching and grooming her countenance and said........ These fancy feasts are not to my liking....oh and melon head has lost the art of communication A revelation indeed! And immediately the saintly and sometime hilarious mother knew exactly what to do. Queen Latiffa fun-wee boodle buddle, I will purchase you the fancy feasts with flaked Atlantic salmon, sous-vide with foraged oils and presented on a bed of ancient grains and crowned with a drizzle of lactose intolerant double cream foam....and I will scribe a book of communication devices and receptacles for my melon headed son to attend tooo” And so she did.... 1. The mobile phone This device can be operated by purchase of a sim card and pressing the numerical digits that align with you dear mothers device. Please note: recharging is imperitive in order to facilitate communication...as is answering when the mobile phone rings 2. The text message A facility of the mobile phone - cheap and not altogether nasty, one must press the key pad option in order to create a message like, Dear saintly mother. I have been a bad son and must make amends this Friday at the Press club WTF LOL LMFO 3. The Email (a facility of The Internet) Yes, despite many young Asian considerations (they prefer snapchat tweeting, twatting and whatever) this facility is still in use. You simply need an account (not of the banking kind) and then to relay important messages to your beloved mother through the keyboard methodology 4. The Facebook Its blue and I know you know how to operate its functionality. No excuses here Sonny Jim 5. The Angus REALLY! THIS IS WHAT I HAVE TO DEAL WITH A THIRD PARTY, AS CHARMING AS HE IS? 6. The face to face visit This is the most radical proposal and involves making visual contact of each other. Such a radical proposal can be achieved through alighting upon such transportation devices as…TRAMS….BUSES…TRAINS..AUTOMOBILES…..HOT AIR BALLOONS….JETSKI….CAMEL…. police car….HOVERCRAFT……..The NIMBUS 300 AND…………FEET! Footnote: The saintly but sometimes Hilarious mother mailed the letter immediately……She is still waiting for an answer
Posted on: Tue, 29 Jul 2014 07:38:00 +0000
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