This is my baby boy Ryder Patrick Holden. I found out I was pregnant when I was 19 years old. I was absolutely terrified. I had an extremely hard pregnancy with hyperemesis gravidarum and was in and out of the hospital because of nausea. I gave birth on January 5th and my whole world was in my arms. I had done everything I could to prepare for him and loved him more then I imagined I was capable of. I had the best 10 week of my life with him until I fell asleep in my rocking chair with him in my arms on the eve of saint Patricks day. I often slept in the chair if it was late and I had to be up soon anyways. I woke up to find him not breathing and immediately began chest compressions and screamed for his father to call 911. They were there in about 2 minutes and took him from me to the ambulance. After the cops had talked to me we went to the hospital where they immediately informed me that he had passed away and after over 30 minutes of effort they had pronounced him dead. I was shattered. I made the huge mistake of saying no when they asked me if I wanted to see him, an answer Ill regret till the day I go to heaven to be with him. Not a day has gone by that has been easy. I miss him just as much if not more and I often find myself wondering what the point of living like this is. I cant bear the pain but I am surviving through the help and love of others and god. I find peace in helping others and spreading awareness, as well as donating funds to programs like this. I cant wait to hold him in my arms again, until then hes in the arms of Jesus. Thank you guys for being here❤️ rip Ryder 01/05/14-03/17/14
Posted on: Mon, 22 Sep 2014 23:27:48 +0000
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