This is what I wrote and read at Mothers Home going last Saturday. I was afraid I would not be able to get through it but I did it. When we were children, mother had a saying that she’d use whenever we told her that we needed something new. The saying was, “Use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without.” She told me once that she’d learned that particular saying from her grandmother (great grandma Halliburton). I still have memories of my great grandma. She and my great grandfather (mother’s namesake, Jesse) were two of the most frugal people that probably ever existed. Not stingy, but frugal (there is a difference). I remember rolling my eyes when mother would say it to me when I would ask for something new. As I got older, I realized how true the saying was. In many ways, mother lived her life this same way. She used her life up, she wore her life out, she made do in her life, and she often did without. USE IT UP: Mother used her life up--totally. She never invented anything. She never served in public office. But she used her life to the fullest every single day. One of the ways she used her life was in caring for others. I scarcely recall a time when mother wasn’t taking care of someone. We always seemed to have family members either living with us or she was taking care of family and friends in their homes. Later when grandchildren and great grandchildren came along, she continued to use it up taking care of and helping to raise them as well. Mother dedicated herself to caring for our father. It wasn’t easy and it wore her down but she would not have had it any other way. We are blessed to have three generations who have followed her and have been influenced by how she used her life as an example to us. WEAR IT OUT: Mother wore herself out her entire life. She was left the mother of two young boys at one point and was working at a local restaraunt, (The WoodyMac Coral) where she met our daddy. Daddy told me once that the first time he asked her out, she told him she wouldn’t go out with him if he were the last man on earth. Her focus was on her boys, but he persaveered and eventually won her heart. It took a little longer for him to win grandma Halliburton’s heart--but he did that as well. Mother worked nights so that she could take care of her boys during the day. She later worked alongside our father until our little sister, Lorri Ann was born. When Lorri died, there weren’t medications like anti-depressants available, so the doctor’s orders to mother were for her to go back to work and keep herself busy. It was shortly after our sister died that our two Virginia cousins, Patty and Paula came to live with us for period of time. They became our sisters while they were with us and mother continued to think of them as daughters. When she decided to go back to school, she enrolled at Alverson Draughn business college. Again, she did this at night so that she could continue to work and take care of her family during the day. I remember seeing notepads filled with shorthand. I thought she was learing another language. She then went to work at Paper and Chemical Supply for almost three decades, Helping to train many of the men who worked there. She often came home in the evening smelling of cigars. Meanwhile, all the responsibilities of being a wife and mother and caregiver to her family continued. She juggled all of those responsibilities in her usual manner--with a smile. She worked and wore herself out with a smile on her face. MAKE IT DO: Mother made do throughout her life. She told me once that when she was a little girl, her family didn’t even have a sofa. After I learned that, I understood why it was hard for her to turn loose of things. I think at one time we have about 5 or 6 sofas in our house, she simply couldn’t bring herself to let go of them once she had them. Mother would make her own clothes while buying clothes for my father, me, and my brothers. I don’t recall her ever buying many clothes for herself when we were children. That probably explains why, when we were attempting to clear some of the clutter, we found bags of clothes that had been stored away for years in vaccum sealed bags. I recall endless hours of sitting on a stool in local fabric shops while she searched for material and patterns. While mother was still mobile, Jamie helped mother go through her old fabric drawers and they found cloth that was decades old--like Jamie’s favorite material, Strawberry Shortcake. Much of that material later went to a lady who makes simple dresses for girls in Haiti. I smiled when I imagined there were little Haitian girls wearing strawberry shortcake dresses because of mother. I always wondered why mother ate the chicken neck and the chicken back--who eats those voluntarily? Then, it dawned on me. Mother would cook an entire chicken and by the time she made it to the table, a scrawny neck and a bony back was pretty much all that was left of the chicken after daddy and the three of us boys got our choices. She came to enjoy and even prefer the neck and the back by having made do all those years. Or, DO WITHOUT: Now comes the hard part. This doesn’t relate so much to mother, although I know that mother always did without so that my brothers and I could have more. The hard part of this part of the saying is that we (her family and friends) are the ones who will have to do without. We’re going to have to do without her hugs, her smiles, her gentle eyes, her love, her guidance--and yes her cooking. But, remember she had a large part in raising each and every one of us. She now exists in us all. She is sealed within in our hearts and she occupies our minds through the countless memories we have of her. We’ll do things for the rest of our lives and her sweet voice will be there quietly talking to us, reminding us among other things, to use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without.
Posted on: Mon, 18 Aug 2014 16:40:21 +0000