This next post is unusual for me -- to be this public -- because as open as I am, I am amazingly private even to those who know me the best/most.... they may find I lead a somewhat double life..... I really dont complain; I am exceptionally thankful for even my hardships because they strengthen me, and in a warped sense, comfort me, because my Blessings are that much more profound. {{{many of you were surprised by a tidbit in a recent post when I mentioned our bedroom roof had collapsed on our home -- one of the reasons for our unusual living arrangements}} Let me begin by saying for the last year my sleep pattern has been mostly 2-3 hour naps with 12 hour intervals; followed by intense naps for 5-6 hours every other day. Right now, Ive had maybe a total of 12-16 hours sleep since Monday (today is technically already Thursday) so my adrenaline is probably saying what adrenaline? Most of you know I already had an unusual sleeping pattern but may have not known it was due to PTSD and night terrors; but honestly, I am NOT complaining --- I consider it an inconvenient and unconventional way to be creative when the world is quiet. Last night I *knew* today was one of those days full of blessings, and much like a child the night before Christmas, I could not sleep. You see, Greg was being gifted an indefinite loan of the landrover wheelchair in the afternoon --- he was being liberated from the room he has been confined to since coming home from the hospital last year. Yes, in a few weeks it will be a year. Its been a year since I could sleep in the same bed as hes in a hospital pressurized air bed and I have been sleeping on an inflated air couch next to him. It recently sprang a camel hump when the baffle blew out and one lost air; the other lost shape. It was like sleeping in/on a bouncy house but way less fun. Speaking of bouncy.... Today Greg escaped and we went for a walk (I walked) down to our new house/store and it was surreal to realize while watching him zip across 27; the last time hed been outside for leisure was when I pushed him down to Sav-A-Lot --- later realizing there were mountains in Bronson on the way back. Also, when he checked out the back yard; I realized hed not been on grass either; nor had he been out of my sight or out of arms reach. I almost cried.... I have to learn to let go all over again. Moments after we got back; our friend Theresa, who we are buying the house from, called me because there was a piece of furniture set out on 337 for the taking.... I hopped to it because we had just been discussing the need for store fixtures (say it, make it so) and when I got to the place, there were cars in the driveway so I wanted to still ask permission before looting their trash and the woman met me halfway up her driveway.... it was like a soul connection. We chatted and found that we both collect and redistribute stuff to people in need....okay, Im bouncing around but TRUST ME this is about to all come full circle.... So I am telling her of an incident a few years ago of a husband and pregnant wife who came to the store (first/last/only visit) about an hour after a very dear friend asked if I knew anyone who needed a crib --- I said I didnt (yet) but I would hold on to it until I found someone who did, or donate it to the womens shelter. Im telling this woman today of this visiting couple telling us how the husband had recently been laid off and how this baby was a surprise blessing, etc. They had other children, but thought they were done, and as the conversation progressed, I felt it was intrusive since I just met them a few minutes before, but appropriate to me and my understanding of a bigger picture going down ---- so I abruptly asked Do you need a crib? --- because they thought they were done, they had given away all the baby stuff from their previous pregnancies.... so, yes they needed a crib and ...no, because of his job loss, couldnt afford a new one. In the matter of an hour I had been given a crib and gave the same crib.... all they needed to purchase was a new mattress. But before I could even finish my story today, the woman I was looting the roadside trash from, stopped me midstory and asked me if I could use a crib mattress. I finished the story from a few years ago and she ran in her house and pulled out this new-looking crib mattress in its plastic cover....As I am getting the van door open, and she stepped inside to get the mattress; I realize that this might make travel more comfortable for Greg. Many of you dont realize he is still unable to ride in the van without laying down. He just does not have the strength back enough to lift himself into the seats... so he lays on a makeshift platform of quilts and yoga mats, yet very hard because of the floor mounts where the seats were removed. So, get prepared, I am going to bounce again ---- I mentioned earlier of this blown out air couch I sleep on --- Greg refers to it as my baby bed since I am short enough to curl onto it --- I am telling him of this crib mattress and he jokingly says I could sleep on it. I take him seriously and because I have an uncanny eye for what fits, proceed to position it on top of my baby bed --- it fits perfectly. So tonight I might get a comfortable nap on my new crib mattress.... how ironic, the person who needed the mattress was ME however, I will still use it in the van for Greg until he is able to ride in the seats again. Today was full of blessings, the first person I spoke to today was a wonderful friend and massage therapist who will be returning to us at our new location. Yall remember Aaron Mankins Lmt? Yep, Mr. Magic Hands Mankins.... hell be doing electro-stem acupuncture on Greg; a therapy which in one session helped loosen his frozen hand from his injury. I also completed some documents for my dad today; much needed reassurances concerning his care. And speaking of my dad, the dear soul who is loaning us the wheels for Greg reminds me soooooo much of my dad. This morning when he called he started with Good morning Sunshine! Those are my dads words but from a different voice. There are other things he says in the same way my dad would speak to me; I find it reassuring since conversations with my dad have deteriorated with his mind. I miss my dad calling me Sunshine or in mid-sentence, calling me girl.... Mr C even has some of the same beliefs my dad lived by.... being charitable without expectation...... You know, I guess I do collect things in my life. Where others collect certain mementos or themes.... I collect good people, really, really good people. That said, I reconnected with another like-minded soul Christy VanValey Conner; who I hope to have available for holistic skin care services and Im excited about the other healing modalities we plan to offer at our new location. Today was one of those days I felt like God smiled and allowed me to be an expression of His humor; reassuring others through me, that in every hardship is actually a blessing if you dont over-think it.... and just Trust that everything, no matter how small, is for a Divine reason. I am truly blessed beyond measure; even by my enemies because they give me the opportunity to trust my instincts. As open as I appear to be; I am much more private than you think ...I am sure many of you are in shock by my honesty tonight. I hope no one thinks I am complaining about my situation, because remember, I opened this rambling with stating my hardships strengthen me; give me the opportunity to be creative and most importantly ---- remind me to be thankful. I believe we are at a turning point; watch out..... only a few of you have ever really seen me at my best (and worst). Right Shelly Vail and Mary Bengston Bartholf? LOL.... I love ALL of you and appreciate how you have touched my life. If I never write another post on FaceBook; tonight you got a glimpse of the Real Me. And dont worry Susan Hayward Chouinard or Amanda Cheves-Brooks.....I wont be having any its a dollar moments....Im not the Jackass Whisperer anymore; there will always be haters.... I choose not to be one of them. That said, either good morning or good night and if youre reading this..... I love you
Posted on: Thu, 25 Sep 2014 08:05:19 +0000
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