This ones kinda long...sorry. Day 6 - I am thankful to be able to walk. A few months ago, I was largely confined to a couch at my Moms. Over the course of 6 weeks, the skin all over my arms and armpits, insides of my legs, under my butt, my chest - all burned off from the inside out due to a horrible reaction to the chemo drug Doxil. As time went on, I was hospitalized with Stevens Johnson Syndrome and told that I was lucky to be alive because a secondary infection might have killed me. I was in an EXCRUCIATING amount of pain, and I lived off of Lortab, water, and junk nearly exclusively. My muscles atrophied because the only times they were being used were to get up to hobble to the bathroom, or to bathe myself. I will never forget struggling to bandage myself, to bathe myself...trying to maintain some sense of independence. I have sat in a bath tub and watched my own hair/skin float around me. Im sorry for the visual, but this is what happened. My phone camera quit working in the middle of this, so there isnt a lot of documentation (some of you are probably thankful for that!), but there were friends who saw me at my worst and helped me through this terrible, life-altering ordeal. Laying on the couch, only leaving to relieve myself and bathe... hearing my baby cry and being unable to hold him. It was devastating. In the the days before my hospitalization, I had started trying to force myself to move. When I realized that my muscles were giving out, I started hobbling around with a crutch. For weeks after my release, I could only go short distances. I couldnt wear real shoes because my toenails came off and my feet were so swollen. The skin on my feet was sloughing off. Family, friends, and doctors kept telling me to stay off them, and to take it easy -but I couldnt [wouldnt] listen. I somehow have barely any scarring from something that could have been permanently disfiguring, and I can walk. I dont fret over grocery store parking spaces, elevators, yard work - I can do it. I can pick up Daniel and love on him until he whines at me to put him down. I am thankful to have both of my *working* legs. Theyre not the greatest, but theyre mine, and Im lucky to have them.
Posted on: Wed, 06 Nov 2013 18:58:44 +0000
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