This was my favorite all-time Robin Williams movie! And while I celebrate his life, I also mourn his illness, his depression...and his suicide. I have read so many comments on FB since the news broke of his suicide...some positive, beautiful memories; but a couple that have just made me shake my head in disbelief. Its time I say my peace as someone who has been there and on the brink of losing my life to suicide... in what seems like another life ago. It was almost 25 years ago to the month...September, 1989. I was 5 months removed from losing my son, my marriage was quickly becoming a statistic...(85-90% of couples that lose a child, lose their marriage as well) and I was drowning in my own grief and despair. I had lost 7 family members/friends to this point in 89 including my own Christopher. And having suffered from depression since a teen, I saw no other way to escape the pain. I just wanted to see my son, feel some peace and leave this world and the pain behind. Yes, thats very self centered and no...you dont think of those you are leaving behind to pick up the pieces. I prayed daily for God to take my life and give me the peace I so desperately was seeking. I overdosed on a Monday morning...the worse morning of my life. Something in me (hello...God) called and reached out to my beloved Dr. Jed to let him know I was broken and didnt think I could be fixed. I dont exactly remember the conversation but I do remember telling him that I was losing my mind, my heart was broken and I couldnt take the incredible pain anymore. Long story short, he called my parents, they came right over and drove me to the hospital where I got the pleasure of eating charcoal in the ER, spending the day in MICU and the rest of the week in the psych ward. I was nearly successful in my feeble attempt to move beyond my short term pain; but at the same time, in some ways, I was reborn that week. The loss of my son was still there; my marriage failed 6 months later; and every day was a struggle just to be. But after witnessing true mental illness in the hospital that week, I knew my pain and loss would heal with time; but some of those patients had lifelong illnesses that no amount of medication could conceal. What an eye opening experience to see so many hurting and beyond mere depression. What I learned is: Depression and mental illness are real no matter if you are a successful, a well known and loved comedian, a God Follower/Christian or a 22 year old girl. It effects moms, dads, brothers, sisters, cousins, aunts, uncles, sons, daughters, friends and yes...celebrities too. I know so many who have lost their loved ones to suicide and the pain they bear is unimaginable to me. To think I almost did that to my friends and loved ones is unbearable to me. Had God listened to me that day and took me, I would never had known true love with Michael, or the blessings of two beautiful and incredible girls born to me, the many friends I have gained over the last 25 years, family ties that have grown stronger...and my relationship with my Lord and Savior wouldnt be what is today. Imagine all the beautiful memories Ive made in 25 years...to think I almost missed out on those because of a break in my sanity one morning is surreal to me. However, Depression is becoming a real epidemic in this country and while we see what is going on all around us in the news throughout the world...my fear is that we are missing a disaster in our own backyards. Suicide rates are higher, teens are finding this as a permanent solution to temporary problems more than ever, men are feeling more and more pressure to provide for their families, women are feeling like they are failing at raising their children because they are the sole providers..the list goes on and on. Society puts so much pressure on us to be the prettiest, the skinniest, the most successful, the wealthiest, the smartest and sometimes...the funniest. Robin Williams represents what we have all felt at one time or another...disappointment in self, lack of self confidence, pain, depression, grief and utter loneliness. Thats why so many have thrust him into the limelight...he is the epitome of humanness...masking himself to others with his humor, love and light; while within himself, he suffered depression, pain and darkness. Weve all been there; some more than others. Im here to tell you its ok to take your mask off...feel the pain...talk to someone, cry. Its not a sign of weakness...its a sign of trying to be strong for too long. You are not alone! 1 out of 3 people suffer depression...LIFE IS WORTH THE PAIN! Dont hold it in...let it out!!! It will pass; it will get better!!! My father said to me while we were driving to the hospital that morning: how could you consider taking your own life...when your son fought so hard to live his??? I had not thought about that through my pain and grief...he was so right. Maybe if I had done a better job of talking to my grief counselor or a therapist, I never would have gotten to the point of suicide. Never be afraid to reach out and ask for HELP! You dont have to be strong anymore...love yourself enough and those is your life to talk! Someone out there is fighting to live one more day...please be there for that someone! YOU could make all the difference and save a life! Be a Dr. Jed, be a friend, be a Christian without judgement or opinion. Just be. Thanks for letting me share a very dark part of my life..if it saves one person from thoughts of taking their own life...than it was worth bearing my soul. For those who have lost a loved one to suicide...my heart grieves with you, my soul weeps; but I know in my heart of hearts...there is peace on the other side for your loved one who suffered and that one day we will all know that peace...
Posted on: Tue, 12 Aug 2014 19:54:30 +0000
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