This will be different than the silly, twisted, sophomoric jokes that I usually post. 15 years ago, last night, was my last drunk. (hopefully, ever..I still remember making the phone call to my mentor from a leaving Las Vegas type of hotel room in Flagstaff, on my way back to LA, after having tied yet another one on in Santa Fe, the night before.) I had truly become pathetic. It had become an absolutely proven system that if I started drinking there was just no telling where I was going to wind up, or what Id do. It is absolutely the grace of God that I am still alive. (hopefully not to jinx or shorten that) I dont have a shadow of a doubt that it was nothing more than the grace of God that I got the clarity to realize that trying to continue any form/system/formula/plan of balancing any combination of booze and/or chemicals was not only going to kill me, but I would go out in an ugly & pitiful manner. (I had already blown my chance, many times, to go out like Hendrix, or anyone looking remotely cool...((I even wonder how cool any of those guys looked in there last sad hours.)) The only insight I had in life was that if I kept going the way I was, not only would there continue to be a Grand Canyon between who I had become and who I wanted to be, but it was just gonna get worse.. that was all I knew about life, at that point, and even that insight I still consider to be divinely inspired. I have met and bonded with and come to love so many great people along this journey of abstinence. More substantive relationships than I ever hoped to have drunk. I can honestly say that I have dozens of real friends, that I know love me & are secure enough with themselves & their own paths to want the best for me. Guys that I really admire and just the kind of guys that I always wanted to be friends with, and figured I had a high to be cool enough to have those relationships. Such crap. (I actually was one of those guys that believed that you needed to put yourself through intentional self destruction to have any true soul as an artist. I was lucky enough to get to have a conversation with Stevie Ray about that, and he said that the real crime is to have a gift and to not do everything you can to develop it. I also remember Mac Rebennack, (Dr. John) whom I had great respect for, saying that he did heroin for 20 years, and that sometimes it helped, and sometimes it hurt, so, as far as I could see, it was a wash, so why bother? Johnny Winter, who we just sadly lost, was certainly vocal about saying his biggest regret in life was that he had spent 20 years hooked on heroin. Regardless, I sincerely do not doubt that if I had kept drinking I wouldve been dead, years ago. That would have been such an unnecessary happening, and I cant tell you how grateful I am that I was able to find another path. I can honestly tell you guys that, regardless of what is/is not going on, what disappointments or waiting periods I might have had, I feel at peace the large large majority of the time. Ironically enough, the very peace that I didnt even realize I was looking for in any number of fixes. Luckilly, and I do not want to tempt this, but I dont miss getting loaded one bit, and I really am in tears, right now because I can forget what an incredible gift this is, and this relief that I have is absolutely a gift. I just eventually got beaten down enough that I was willing to follow directions. I owe SO MANY great people for so much help along the way. People who literally saved my life. I am absolutely certain that these were all brothers and sisters that God put in my path to help me, sometimes, in no less than a burning bush manner. It took a village to sober me up, and if I have one true job, in this life, it is to absolutely try to help anybody else afflicted with the same maze of discomfort. A bunch of my Facebook friends are the people that helped me, (before there was Facebook) and I am going to message or text you my thanks..
Posted on: Sat, 19 Jul 2014 19:59:49 +0000
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