Thought: I was in town today and I went into a shop, it was very very cold. I dont wear gloves much as it interferes with using my control stick on my chair. My hands were freezing, I couldnt feel them. Anyway so Im in this shop wanting to buy and pay for something. Im on the till and I reach for my wallet which is on my lap as always, I tried to open it and couldnt. My hands were freezing and really stiff, again I tried to open my wallet and again I failed to do so. The guy at the counter offered to help but me being stubborn and slightly anxious, I refused. By now a few minutes have past and the queue behind me had got bigger. I was really struggling, not only with trying to open my wallet but the fact it was now getting quite embarrassing. I managed to open the wallet only to see the coins all fall to the floor, I was begging for a hole to appear from underneath me and swallow me up. The counter guy looked at me in the most I told you so way. At this point I felt angry, embarrassed and stupid all at once, the people around me were helpful but I ignored them. I wasnt even thankful, Instead I was bitter because they were helping me. My attitude become that I couldnt care less, hell I didnt even buy what I came in the shop for. Once I got my wallet in order I told the guy behind the counter I changed my mind and it will be the last time I come here again. It has taken me a few hours to realise that I was wrong and I could have better handled the situation. If I was to explain my behaviour then it was down to my pride, by struggling to open my wallet it triggered my insecurities about my disability. Its easy to place blame when things go wrong and its even easy when you have an excuse. Earlier on I wrote the status All men are created equal. Unless youre disabled of course. I wrote that because I found it easy to accept. I was wrong and my approach was wrong and because of the frustration I showed attitude, tmrw I will probably go to the shop and apologise. I cant be an equal if Im judged differently due to my behaviour towards others :-)
Posted on: Thu, 07 Nov 2013 23:05:20 +0000
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