Thought you all might be interested in this - an email that was sent to current undergraduates. Reproduced here without comment or editing. -------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Reflections on the festive season: gratitude and disapointment From: Belinda Harris Date: Thursday, 8 January 2015, 5:39 PM Dear all May I take this opportunity to wish you all a very happy, successful and personally fulfilling 2015. I hope that you all found some time to relax and enjoy yourselves over the past couple of weeks, whether you celebrate Christmas or not. There are two things I should like to say at this point in the year: Firstly, I am aware that for many students assignment deadlines are looming, and that this reality may at times, have impeded your enjoyment of festivities. If you were fortunate to be with your loved ones over the break, it is likely that the pressure of assignment deadlines made you less available to them than you would like to have been. If you are lucky, and there is good communication between you, they have probably been, and will continue to be, understanding and tolerant, giving you the space to get on with your work. Occasionally however, they may miss your presence and support, and even feel a little resentful that you are not there for them, or not doing your full share of domestic duties. After all, it was/is their holiday too! Therefore, at this point in the year it is very important to recognise that your commitment to your studies has consequences for those close to you. So, don’t forget to show them how much you appreciate their support. This will hopefully make you and your loved ones happier, and set 2015 off on a good footing, so that you can learn, grow and accomplish your goals with ease. Secondly, I asked a friend yesterday how her holiday had been. She responded ‘disappointing, as always’. She had spent most of the break alone and had felt isolated and depressed. I felt sad as I listened to her story. This led me to ruminate on the nature of disappointment, and how it may impact our experiencing, including our sense of self, our judgments of others and our behavioural response to a disappointing situation. For example, I feel disappointed in others when they make promises they fail to keep. Equally, I feel disappointed in myself for not achieving my own goals, such as writing a monthly bulletin for you! Disappointment is hard to swallow, as it undermines trust in ourselves or in another person or group of people. Somehow it is associated with a sense of failure – whether that of others, or ourselves – and therefore carries an element of shame. Now that you have settled into your studies this year (whether online or here on the Nottingham campus), you may be feeling a sense of disappointment, perhaps because you are not managing to organise your private study time as well as you would like to, or perhaps because you doubt your own capabilities, or because some aspect of your study experience hasn’t met your expectations. I sometimes wonder what life would be like if everything worked perfectly and went the way I wanted it to, and realise that nice as it sounds, it wouldn’t necessarily support my learning and growth! In fact, it could even be somewhat boring. In reality, disappointment is part and parcel of life, and one way of helping us define what really matters to us. How I respond to these disappointments is likely to depend on the importance I attach to the event, and the newness (or frequency) of the experience. A common response to disappointment is to fall into the trap of pointing fingers, such as blaming another individual, misinformation, poor support, and so on. The blame game is indicative of frustrations and challenges that result from disappointments, and is often characterised by questions such as ‘Why wasn’t I told about this?’ ‘Why did they promise something they had no intention of delivering?’ ‘Who is responsible for this confusion?’ I know that such judgemental questions can be my first port of call when I am feeling disappointed. I am trying to work on that! As soon as I articulate such thoughts to others then I run the risk of potentially causing harm. I could for example, damage another person’s, course team’s, or even University’s reputation. Such an approach does not sit well with my views on a) what it means to be a professional, ethical practitioner, and b) the importance of being a contributor to, rather than a negative influence on a situation. Therefore, if you are disappointed in some aspect of your experience, try asking yourself what question you really need to ask before going straight for the judgmental one. Is there an unmet need in the situation? What do you need to check out with those that have disappointed you? You might find that what you have heard is untrue, or that there are factors involved that you were previously unaware of. Context is important, so gaining a broader perspective can be invaluable in helping you to understand a situation in a new way. By asking the basic questions, rather than assuming some kind of fault in the other, we open ourselves to learning, expanding our understanding, and building more effective relationships. Sounds simple, doesn’t it? So, it you have any disappointments with your course or with the department, why not ask your course leader, a course tutor, or course administrator, first? Try opening up a dialogue, noticing what emerges from that, and also what can be learned from the situation. Hopefully, you will feel met by the other person and responded to with respect. The dialogue may not make the disappointment go away, but hopefully, the relational experience will have lessened any resentment and given you a different perspective to consider. Try and remember that you are also capable of disappointing others, even if you dont mean to. It is only human to disappoint.. and also to feel disappointed. If, as in my case, your disappointment is with yourself, then ask yourself honestly how you might organise your time better, lower your expectations of yourself, or ask for support to help you succeed. In the meantime I am reflecting on which of these options would be most helpful for me right now… Warm wishes for a successful and enjoyable year ahead Belinda
Posted on: Sun, 11 Jan 2015 20:32:59 +0000
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