To: J.O, Thank you for texted me again, It’s my pleasure with you I see you’ve left a few messege here and have been in dialogue with me about the girl you love. Thank you for being so open with me! I can see that God has blessed you with a big heart and a desire to love others well, especially your woman ERS. It sounds like your heart is in the right place. I’m no expert, but I have to say I have been in your shoes before. I made a lot of mistakes because I was blinded by feelings, but a friend encouraged me that faith and facts need to come before my feelings. I want to encourage you with that now. Feelings change, but faith is secure and facts don’t waver. So , maybe it would help you to do a little evaluating? What is your faith? What are the facts of the situation? Where do those things overrule your feelings? For example, you might feel like you’re meant to be with this girl and soon, but our faith tells us that God’s plan is the best plan (Jeremiah 29:11) and the fact is (even if it hurts) that at least right now, this girl doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you. This process might be discouraging at first, but there is hope while you go through it, and that hope is Jesus. I said this before, but maybe a concrete example of how to do it will help: I think you need to spend some time losing yourself in the heart of God. I know you want this you love to see the truth and to trust you, but let me shed some light for you on what I think might be going on here. Think about your appearance: everyday you wake up and see yourself in the mirror, and everyday you recognize yourself despite changes in your height, weight, hair, etc. However, what happens when you reunite with a friend or family member after a long time? They remark on how you’ve grown and changed! Chances are, the people you see everyday don’t make those comments because they don’t have time away from you to notice that the changes are happening. Change in a person is almost always gradual. If you are still trying to talk to this girl fairly often and show her that you are changing and that you deserve her trust, she will never have enough distance to be able to see it. I recommend you take some time away from communicating with her so that with me too. If you feel like there’s something you want to share with her, stop and pray about it instead. Tell God what’s going on in your heart and let Him spend that time with you, helping you to grow and change. If you persist in your current behaviours, not only will it become difficult for this girl to trust you or to see positive change in you, but it will also affect your own self-perception and feelings negatively. If God is trying to tell you, for example, that you are not meant to be with her, you’ll never hear that message because she will still be a part of your everyday life and interactions. I hope this makes sense. I can tell that you truly seek God’s love and guidance, and I think the best way to find it is to spend your time and energy on Him right now, rather than this girl. I know it can seem like the most important thing in the world is the thing that is taking up most of your mental space and hogging your emotions, but that’s why it’s important to focus on your faith and the facts first. Your feelings can change and be twisted to hurt you (the devil loves it when we are completely controlled by our emotions because it means we don’t listen to the eternal promises of God). God is the Truth and He wants to show it to you: you need to find a quiet place to listen to Him. He needs to be your priority before you will ever be able to have a healthy relationship with this girl or any person, really. I hope this helps, I’ll be praying for you, so please let me know how things go. I’m curious about your relationship with this woman. It sounds like the two of you have broken up, and I’m wondering what your relationship looks like now: are you on speaking terms? Did either of you decide to end your relationship, or was it pressure from family? The reason I ask is because, I’m not sure how old you are talking about marriage so seriously could be dangerous. Not necessarily because you might intimidate her, although that is a concern, but because you don’t seem to be protecting your own heart very well. I know for myself, I have often given into my own hopes and dreams for a relationship and allowed those fantasies to take over my mind rather than the reality of the situation. When you really care about someone it can be easy to move fast emotionally and that is rarely the best thing. It sounds like you want the best for this girl, and so I would encourage you to also seek what is healthiest for yourself. Getting caught up in these feelings may actually be hurting you. Seeking your own good is not selfish in this situation, in fact it really is prudent! Sometimes as we grow, our needs and desires change. A promise to God is important to keep when it is strictly between yourself and God, and I know you take your promise to Him seriously, but when it comes to a promise made that involves another person: well, it ceases to be your decision anymore. I would recommend you take some time to seek God on your own. It may be that God does intend for you to be with this girl, but you need to let Him arrange that. Don’t stress yourself out, rather, bring your heart to God and ask Him what His will is for you. Your girl has a lot of growing up to do and you might as well. I think it’s probably a wise idea to spend some serious time working on your own relationship with God before giving your heart to another person, especially if you are not in a relationship with her right now. Please don’t hurt yourself by wondering what you do or do not deserve: it’s an easy trap to fall into, trust me, I know–but God’s grace doesn’t go to those who deserve it, that’s what is so beautiful about grace! Grace makes the beloved worthy, there’s nothing you can do to earn or deserve a certain kind of love. God already offers you perfect love everyday. I once read that “a woman’s heart should be so lost in God, that a man must search God’s heart to find her.” I know you’re hoping to show God’s heart to this woman, but maybe in order to do that you should get to know His heart more deeply first? Lose yourself in God, and let Him show you His will for your relationships and your whole life. I hope it’s alright if I pray for you and your Girl ERS. Good luck for you and your girlfriends. From me, Robby Manullang
Posted on: Fri, 30 Aug 2013 08:27:15 +0000