To be honest, the relationship between me and our next door neighbour has never been what you might call harmonious. It began when I was a kitten and became stuck in his ornamental cherry tree. Unlike Food Slave, I don’t think he’s very keen on fireman, especially when they are planting their size nines firmly in his petunias, so needing the local blue watch to rescue me from the lofty heights of his tree was the start of a long period of animosity. Over the years we have plotted our respective attacks with the stealth and precision of an MI5 agent wearing slippers, however I think his recent shenanigans have taken this open warfare a bit far. A few weeks ago he came home with a large carrier bag and proceeded to set up the contents on his back lawn. At the time I was taking a nap in the middle of his Russian vine so he wasn’t aware that a Superior Cat was watching his every move. When he went indoors for a cup of tea, I stepped onto the lawn and approached the curious gizmo whereupon I nearly received a rather nasty shock. It seems that my noxious neighbour had acquired one of those cat deterrent machines that squirts a fountain of water when there is movement within three feet of the silly thing. Since then I have been very careful to approach from the rear so that I don’t have a similar experience. Over the last few days I have been racking my brain to come up with a suitable punishment and was beginning to despair until this afternoon when I jumped up on the shed roof just in time to see him coming down the path. The fool had clearly forgotten about his new toy as he emitted a shrill shriek when he found his cricket whites drenched from wicket to turn-ups. He was last seen heading towards the refund counter of the nearest DIY superstore fervently waving a rather soggy receipt. Clearly he will have to try much harder if he’s ever going to outwit this Superior Cat.
Posted on: Mon, 29 Jul 2013 21:16:33 +0000
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