To find beauty in darkness... it is both a gift and a curse. No matter how bad or dark and depressing something may seem, I can see and appreciate the value and the natural and even supernatural beauty therein, however, upon surrounding myself with such dark and powerful imagery, poetry, artistry, I find that Im constantly at odds with the world, a world not meant for me, as they peer into the inky mysterious shroud and find nothing but negativity, depression, emptiness and despair, it saddens me that I can do nothing to pierce their eyes and let the ugly light of their reality in, so that they too can see through tomthe other side. Some are too content within their dreamscape, the one theyve been raised in their whole lives and have been conditioned to love on a shallow and almost entirely superficial level. To love because you have to love, never questioning or seeking out further truths, always accepting it as is at face value, has never been appealing to me. Something about the blandness of pastel coloring in a world Ive learned is filled with lies and cheaters and deceptions just doesnt strike the chord with me as much as dichotomies and stark contrasts between light and dark, good and evil, all the extremes and everything in between. Im left at total loss with society, always an outcast because my ideals are not the status quo nor mainstream or popular in opinion. To hear a song about how much a person hates another, and yet, if that person didnt love them, there would not have been such an equal and opposite reaction to whatever the causing trigger was, is to me, a positivity. I see love where others see hate, light where others see dark, I should feel gifted but instead I feel shamed for the way I am. Even without their acknowledgement, even with their scrutinization of me, I continue on in my fashion for I know no other way to be, no other ideal of the world suits me better. If who I am, what I believe, the opinions I have, the things that make me who I am are unattractive, unpopular, outside the norm, etc, then so be it. Unlike in your world where an iphone or lover is replaced with something new each year, I wont change and neither will my world, my beliefs, etc. I remain, unchanged, unaffected, and forever disillusioned to your world just as you remain to mine. Itd be nice though, to have some company on my side of the wall, to find someone that understands me instead of always being drawn toward my near exact opposite, mostly because I kinda tire of having to explain myself, yet, it compels me as if it were something I enjoy. I guess everything is a dichotomy now. I both love and hate all of you. within that is both positive and negative feeling, whatever you perceive of it is a reflection of your very own dark and deep desires, not of mine. Perhaps that is where the fear lies. The fear that you dont know yourselves yet you cast and reflect it back upon me in a belligerent facade of apocalyptic reciprocation. I may never know, for I am not you anymore. I have abandoned the sheep herd and have donned my wolfs clothing. Here I shall remain.
Posted on: Mon, 08 Dec 2014 04:22:18 +0000
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