To say that this year has been crazy would be a complete understatement. We are very thankful to be where we are as it just as easily could have gone an entirely different way. The emotions I experience all in one day wouldn’t make sense to most people - overwhelming joy and gratitude to crippling sorrow and bone deep exhaustion and anxiety and tons of heavy guilt (sometimes all within the same minute!) My mind constantly jumps around to a million things and I don’t have much time to process it all (what Mom does?). I know that I will look back at these times and feel joy and amazement and feel like these were the best days of my life. I know that! BUT the days are hard. Incredibly, incredibly hard. I get up every day and try my hardest at doing it all again even though I constantly feel like I am failing because the alternative is unimaginable and I am so grateful for what I have. We are so truly blessed to have our children here with us for these moments. So, so many people have lost their sweet babies. It is really just so unfair. I am glad this is the path God has led us on, but it certainly isn’t an easy one. I guess with the year closing out and it being a time of reflection and new beginnings it is all catching up to me. My resolution for the New Year is to try to somehow quiet my mind from all of these thoughts and just be present to enjoy the moments that I have right in front of me. When I am able to do so, the feeling is pure magic – a little glimpse into what heaven must be like. I am hopeful for a healthy and UNEVENTFUL 2015. Happy New Year to you all. May it be a blessed year for you with happiness and health.
Posted on: Wed, 31 Dec 2014 18:46:28 +0000
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