Today marks 6 months since MuM passed- I woke up this morning and when in the kitchen brewing my coffee- she popped in my mind...she gave me a good laugh! My Mum shared her zany humor with me in life...she would sit at the table with her eyes closed ( && I will never forget the first time she did it to me- she scared the poop outta me ) && with her eyes closed she would say OMG, I cant see- and I said- MuM, whats wrong- whats the matter with your eyes...when suddenly she would pop them open and say NUFFIN JUST HAD THEM CLOSED now thats a true brat!! So she made me remember this this morning and I chuckled and said thank you MuM- I Love you!! && then I sat down and started to just remember HER...now anyone who truly knows me- knows I have issues with my memory..and this was one of my major fears that I shared with my MuM when we were preparing for her death...I remember sitting at the table and just looking at her- tears welling up in my eyes and I held her hand. She asked me what was wrong- and said, Are you ok? I said no MuM, Im not- I dont want to forget you...I dont want to forget one thing about you- I want to remember your voice, your laugh, everything MuM. && She looked at me and said, YOU wont forget me- I will be in your memories...and I cried and said THATS STUPID!!! ( still being angry cuz here she is dying soon and I wanted her to stay with me ) and I also knew how hard it would be for me to remember her with a disease that robs my memory!!! But then her && Tiff did something beautiful and made me the Build A Bear Angelkisses Bear with her recorded message inside for me. I only listened to it twice in the month after she passed...but in the message she said I Love You. My MuM wasnt the type to verbally say I Love You often...but she did for ME && my sister Terri the day she passed && I HAVE BEEN REMEMBERING HER- JUST LIKE SHE SAID....I MISSED HER SO MUCH- BUT I REMEMBER!!! and maybe at some point today I might take the bear out of the box and listen to my MuMs voice again...maybe I might cry- who am I kidding I KNOW I WILL CRY...but I am taking baby steps. && to the siblings wh were not in her life for 10-20 years....I want you to know that SHE waited on her BIRTHDAYS, MOTHERS DAY and CHRISTMAS- but especially her BIRTHDAY- SHE waited for a call!! From one of you...just one of you to pick up a phone and call her and say HAPPY BIRTHDAY MA..I LOVE YOU...I would watch her eyes as she would sit at the table in the kitchen and look up at the clock WAITING!!!! once it would hit 8:30...she knew the call wasnt coming. And she stopped waiting that day but she would wait again on the next Birthday or Holiday for One of You- who now profess such devotion- to call her- to care about her...but in the end...SHE was surrounded by the LOVE OF the ones who NEVER WAVERED!!!! I Just wanted you PAT, EDDIE && JOHN...to know- SHE WAITED!!!......
Posted on: Sat, 02 Nov 2013 15:53:17 +0000
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