Today, right before I woke up, I became aware that I was dreaming and that moment of awareness brought an unexpected joy. Suddenly, I was playing the role of this spectator, as I was becoming aware that I wasn’t fully asleep, nor awake, that I was still dreaming yet I was waking up, transitioning. Some months ago, my teacher asked me to observe my transitions. He said something like “Every transition is an opportunity for awareness”. I’ve been trying to be mindful and observe the practical aspect of it, and things have changed; yet, I kept missing the point. A more subtle aspect of it just discovered me. A whole new place where I exist. Not in the inhale, not in the exhale, in between. Not in the dream state, not in the wake state, in between. Great things happen in the in between. I’ve heard people talk about the value of transitions but I guess I had to miss it and discover it myself (or be discovered by it). There it was, in front of me, in me, and I kept missing it. How wonderful is that! I feel great joy when this happens. If I were supposed to know things like this, I would have, because there is no way I could have missed them. The only reason why I miss them is because missing them is part of the game. You find what you haven’t lost. You find it just in front of you, sitting there waiting for you. Can you imagine how many times have I breathed, woken, seen a sunset, finished a cycle, started a chapter, etc.? Knowing when something had finished, when something had started, but the in between, I never knew… Great things come in the in between. This morning, gratitude came. Reasons to be grateful are many yet it is not in the reasons where this gratitude found me. It found me in a transition, from sleep to wake, from there to here, from night to day, from inhale to exhale. In a pause, in a silent space, it found me. And I cannot tell you exactly what it feels like, I don’t know how, and it’s ok. I, recently, began to perceive shades and tones of feelings, just like colors. Each one, almost a complete different feeling, almost. The more I pay attention to a feeling, the more I realize how different it is from the idea of it. Just like the idea of green is so different from the greens I see from my window, right now, on this rainy afternoon, the idea of gratitude, that comes to me from my previous experiences, is very different from this one. It’s a very fresh experience. It’s new and I like it. It’s a great lesson in appreciation and letting go. Chances are, this gratitude, this one, is not coming back, and I am surprised to be happy about it, as if I knew that great gratitudes will continue to come. It seems that the different kinds of gratitude available to me are infinite, as long as I am infinitely available to them. Today’s gratitude is a remarkable gratitude. It’s such an amazing gratitude. It transcends and pervades all the other gratitudes I have felt to this day. It is not the other gratitudes, yet it is all of them and more than them. I like this gratitude. It sings to me and it takes me places I never thought I would go. It shows me things my teacher teaches me. It’s a very smart gratitude. All of this is new, and, these days, all the new no-things are invitations to sit in silence, for a little bit. Oh, and Cata, I am so grateful for all that you are. Every day is a new gift for this friendship. Only you would make a perfect ice cream, with the perfect tea, for me, for us. Ice cream makes me happy. You make me happy. I miss you so much! Celebrate with me today! Namasté has an ice cream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And not any ice cream. Its a matcha - peppermint ice cream.
Posted on: Sat, 29 Mar 2014 21:59:50 +0000
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