Today was a sad day. We had a memorial service for my baby. My youngest daughter. We had plans. We had dreams. We had hopes. Those are gone. My daughter decided to end her life. I dont know why yet. I may never understand why. I will never be ok with the reason. Ill try to use this to express to me family, my friends, my enemies...Hell to anyone who will listen what I have learned early on. Love your family. Love your friends. Love the people close to you in your life. Life is short. Life doesnt go by your rules. If it did Id still be looking forward to walking my baby down the aisle once she picked a guy I approved of to live the rest of her life with. Id be looking forward to grandchildren that make me smile as I spoil them from all of my girls. Id be taking my baby on college campus tours. Id be trying to understand why my baby would think skyping is more important than studying. Id be back where I was last Sunday. Im not in any of those places. Im lost. Im confused. Im clinging to family I have left. Im thankful for my wife and two remaining girls. God knows Im thankful for my two remaining girls. Im so confused. So very confused. I want to scream from the moutain tops my love for my mini me. My baby. My Kristal . Im writing this for me. Im selfish. I know it and I am ok with it. I want to go back in time. I want to retreat into my cocoon of ignorance. To rewind life. To reset the game. I want life to go back to where I always won. Ive always won. I continue to win and will do so. If you dont like reading that, you dont win enough. Its ok. I do and the world needs losers too. Im just not used to it. I need a lesson from God. Im asking for that lesson. If you have one, send it to me. Thank you all.
Posted on: Sat, 17 Jan 2015 07:44:42 +0000
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