Todays Headlines: Somebody who doesnt matter did something that doesnt matter, and I have two other people here who dont matter, who will comment on the person who doesnt matter and the thing that they did, which doesnt matter. There is something everyone needs to be afraid about, hyperbole, hyperbole, bad suggestion by person who is constantly wrong about everything, and time to overreact as a nation. Our party is great, and their party is horrible, and lets hate each other on the basis of the false choice we are about to present to you. Our kids are part of a new completely dangerous fad, which we will blow out of proportion statistically, and now all parents should overreact. Something inside your home is killing you slowly, but were going to mention it ominously before a commercial break in order to give you 3-4 minutes to sufficiently freak out before we actually tell you what it is. (Commercial break) :: Do you have this new completely made-up disease? Tell your doctor you need to buy our drug. Thats why he went to medical school after all -- so YOU could tell HIM what imaginary disease or syndrome you think you have, and how to treat it. (Back from break, and on to sports and weather) A group of men on steroids beat another group of men on performance enhancing substances. Its a good or bad year to be a fan of drug-fueled competition in your city or state. Heres our best educated guess at what the weather will be tomorrow and for the rest of this week. Were probably wrong, but well say it anyway. Stay tuned for a reality show.
Posted on: Wed, 17 Sep 2014 17:39:55 +0000
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