Tomorrow evening is the big night. Walking 18 miles from sunset to sunrise, with my BFF Becca Simpson at my side, to raise needed funds and awareness for suicide prevention.The past nearly 5 months have been the most trying experience Ive ever dealt with. Its so strange that the worst thing Ive ever experienced was so shortly followed by me landing the best, most cool and challenging job ever. Why is life like that? I miss Tim Malloy everyday. He was light and joy and the embodiment of fun and its unbealivable that he suffered so much with his feelings of inadequacy and self esteem issues and his skewed perception of a lack of success. I have worked very hard to not let grief totally consume me and I think Ive done a good job with that. I would not be where I am today though without my family and friends and all the kind strangers that have come up to be at horse races and restaurants or who have contacted me online to offer me support and say that while they dont know me, they knew Tim and theyve been inspired by reading my posts. Working my way back to being a functional human being and accepting that this is the hand Ive be dealt has been no easy endeavor. I was very public with my grief for weeks and then I landed this job that I worked so hard for years to get and I felt I needed to stop vomiting emotion on the internet on the daily. That doesnt mean everything all of a sudden got better or than my pain went away. I just decided it needed to be more private and I joined a weekly grief share community to be around others going through the same emotions. Its funny to me, given that Ive learned the art and importance of fundraising in the last few years, that Ive struggled so much to make myself raise funds for this suicide prevention walk. I think the wound was just too fresh. Even in the last few months Ive raised a bunch of money for other charities but to ask people to fund my walk felt embarrassing. I dont want to be defined by the experience of losing Tim, while at the same time his stamp is clearly on my heart and I feel so blessed to have known him and to have received his love and to have felt the love I gave him was so valued. What Im getting at is: if youve got $20 that you can spare… and lets face it… most of us do (thank goodness) please go to my fundraising page and make a donation. It doesnt have to be for me or for Tim but as a message that we should all value rationality and being accountable for our actions and the people around us. Some days life will be hard, or weeks might be hard get through but we all have people that depend on us and we are constantly in the midst of experiencing such a precariously balanced gift called life. I dont get why someone would want to check out voluntarily. Let your donation be a message to the people in your life that youre not afraid to talk about serious issues and that when needed youd be there them. Thanks for reading this. Lots of love to you all.
Posted on: Sat, 28 Jun 2014 01:13:00 +0000
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