Tomorrow, my oldest son will celebrate the first anniversary of his 29th birthday… Yes…. I have a 30 year old…. As I sit back and remember all the funny moments, it warms my heart to look at what a gentleman he is, how much love and respect he has for those close to him. He is the best friend anyone could ever ask for. My first memory of him is that when it came time to be born, he was 2 weeks late and stuck. The doctor did a C-Section, and brought him out to me. (Below is a picture of that moment.) Later that day, he peed all over me. We have had some funny moments… At age 2 we awoke to find him covered in a messy diaper… everything within arm’s reach was also that color, making it very hard to distinguish between him and his stuffed animals. At age 4, we were swimming in our apartment pool and I told him to look down in the little hole where the skimmer bucket was located. I stuck my hand inside and poked my finger up through the hole and he screamed like a girl and ran to his mother. At age 7, he was in class at school and the teacher was building up the excitement about Christmas asking all the kids “What do you want Santa to bring you this year?” When she got to him, he responded “I don’t know what is wrong with you people, but there is no such things as Santa… it is parents who buy gifts and put them under the tree!” Before the teacher could stop him, half the class was in tears…we were called into the principal’s office and told to teach our child how to be with other children… At age 12, He took his younger brother Matthew (age 7) snipe hunting. When Jonathan showed back up at home without his brother, we panicked…. It took us two hours to find Matthew who was calmly sitting on a stone in a graveyard when we found him. He looked at us and said “I aint seen no snipe…. I wanna go home…” At age 16, we lived out in the country. Below our house was a large pond with a small island in it. He and his friends set it on fire. When Jonathan turned 18, we gave him a surprise birthday party. The theme was “Dress Up Barbie.” All his friends were in on it, bringing him gifts based on the theme and laughing the whole time. That become the pattern for the younger brothers who followed later. As he got older, he was the first one in the family to get a cell phone… shortly after I got one. On a trip to Illinois one summer he kept calling me from the back seat to see if we were there yet… Of all my memories, I have this letter from the Manager from his time working at the Schillinger Rd Walmart in Mobile…. Dear Mr. Graham, Over the past six months, your son has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may be forced to ban him and your family from the store. Our complaints against him are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras. 1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in peoples carts when they werent looking. 2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5 minute intervals. 3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the womens restroom. 4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, Code 3 in Housewares - get on it right away. 5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway. 6. September 14: Moved a CAUTION - WET FLOOR sign to a carpeted area. 7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told shoppers hed invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department. 8. September 23: When a customer asked for help, he began crying and screamed, Why cant you people just leave me alone? 9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose. 10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the department manager where the antidepressants were. 11. On the day after Thanksgiving, our busiest day of the year, he walked around the store telling small children, “There is no Santa… your parents are lying.” 12. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the Mission Impossible theme. 13. December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his Madonna look by using different sizes of funnels. 14. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled PICK ME! PICK ME! 15. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed OH NO! ITS THOSE VOICES AGAIN! 16. December 24th He got on the intercom and sang the entire song “Walking Round in Women’s Underwear.” 17. December 30, He went into the shoe department and switched all the shoes so that each box contained a different right and left shoe… it took an employee 2 days to get it all back in order. 18. January 5th, he rode a bicycle all through the store singing the theme song from Barney the Purple Dinosaur… that caused a large group of toddlers to follow him in parade all the way to the Produce section. 19. On February 14th…. Yes, Valentine’s day, he went into women’s wear and offered to model bras for customers if it would help them make a choice… And last, but not least, 20. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, Hey! Theres no toilet paper in here! Regards, Wal-Mart Manager
Posted on: Wed, 12 Mar 2014 21:24:25 +0000
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