Tonight I got to experience Babys first explosive poop in the tub while my bathtime helpers were conveniently out for the evening. Heres how it went down: Step 1: Helplessly witness the horror. Vomit internally. Die. Come back to life as June Cleaver in a Hazmat suit. Step 2: Extract Private Poops-a-lot and his sidekick so I could hurl all 978 bath toys out of the filth in epic crazy-lady style. They start karate-chopping me on the back while Im hunched over their turd tub -- so hard Im pretty sure I saw visions of George Clooney baking scones in a Speedo. Step 3: Listen to naked nonsense-makers chime, Ewwww! Ewwww! in harmony. As if the whole thing had been my idea, this whole bathe the kids in their own bodily waste business. As if, lady, why dont you take a parenting course or something? Step 3: Return children to tub -- just in time for Harry to start applying soap to his sisters butt, right before he pees on the captain of the beloved boat toy. Also, the dog was there, because I guess it was personally important to her to be part of this post. For those of you whod rather not read about floating feces, sorry. My boundaries have been shot to H-E double hockey sticks.
Posted on: Fri, 23 May 2014 01:29:59 +0000
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