Too much? (posted in response to comments on The Stage website re my article - including the suggestion that I shouldnt be volunteering to direct Shakespeares Henry VI at the Union as it wont sell enough of the venues 50 seats to pay 20 or so collaborators) ...can I just reiterate the advice I give anyone considering working for no pay/low pay, indeed what I tell myself on such occasions - If you don’t fancy it – don’t do it, you’ll probably be miserable If you do fancy it – do it, you’ll probably have a good time. For those of you who don’t fancy it the good news is no one can or will force you to work this way. Alas for those of you who do fancy it the bad news is there are currently people who can and will try to stop you. I hope you all get what you think the world owes you, if not you might like to consider not being an artist. After all artists, mavericks, rebels etc, the cool people I can only aspire to be, don’t have a great tradition of earning a national minimum wage, what on earth made you think it’d be different for you? However if you’re under 25 I absolutely insist you stick with it even if you have to eat carpet tiles otherwise art will die and the next generation will have nothing to aspire to... ...We should probably leave this for now and reconvene once we know whether our peers will still be able to prosecute us for practising our craft in the way we choose not the way they choose. So that’s it from me for now… oh wait… no…NO! Somebody stop m— Ah, there you are Will, could you just step into the office for a moment. It’s about Henry VI. Now you know we all love it, luh-uh-v it around here, I mean the way you juxtapose the hypocrisy of Tudor ambition with the open yobbery of the Cade rebellion… I mean… you couldn’t make that stuff up… though you do, of course… well, you know what I mean. So you’ll believe me when I say this is no reflection on you but… well, it’s just not selling at the box office so I’m afraid we’re taking it out of the repertoire. And the commission to write the… you know that miserable thing you want to do, about the old king dividing the kingdom up… I don’t think so. This tax year we’ve got to focus on sales. Sales, sales, sales. Now don’t look at me like that. This is for your own good. A man of your talents, you should be making at least 8 groats fifty an hour otherwise… what’s the point in coming into work? And I know Anne and the kids will back me up on this. You need to be more like… you know, you should think more like Malvolio, that pompous meat pie seller… yes, he’s called Malvolio… why are you writing that down? Concentrate… does he waste unpaid hours perfecting the recipe? No, he just bungs any old crap in and gets them out on sale by the tray full to idiots. They sell like hot ca- … hot pi -… anyway… think about it!! You don’t even make as much as the guy we pay to be on call 365 days of the year to mop up the groundling sick. Now, that’s the kind of chap you should be writing about… do you know, even though he pays for the lease, electricity, insurance and god knows what else he still takes home 8 groats 50 an hour!!! So why shouldn’t you?! WHY SHOULDN’T YOU?! (BANGS TABLE) HELL, WHY SHOULDN’T ALL OF US!? Let’s be frank you’ve got as much chance of making that kind of money with those, I’m sorry, Will, those frankly depressing plays as… as… Burnham wood has of coming to Dunsinane… again with the taking notes! Will you stop… This is serious… No more performances of Henry VI. We’re going to stage extra bear baiting. The public go nuts for it and at last, AT LAST, I’ll be able to earn as much as my mate who went into hosiery. And why not. We both trained for three years. I’M ENTITLED, God damn it. NO, no – Will, you ARE going to co-operate or I will have you fined… or arrested. Will, mate, maaaaate it’s not all doom and gloom. You can still be creative. We were thinking you could maybe pen a little ditty for when the mastiffs really, you know, really get their teeth into the bear, whip up the crowd… yes, thank you, yes indeed you could call it Exit Pursued by Fido if you like. You see now you’re thinking artistically AND commercially.. Will?… Will?… Will! Where are you going?… I’ll pay you 8 groats 50 an hour…. (With apologies to Tom Stoppard) thestage.co.uk/opinion/2014/10/fringe-directors-need-clarity-minimum-wage-rules/
Posted on: Fri, 24 Oct 2014 09:12:21 +0000