Too much talking, too little listening. This is a plague on American communications. I dont know if its international, but my international friends seem to listen better. I often ask very clear, very specific questions intended to solicit a very specific answer. And, unless Im telling a run-on side-tracking story with no end, I usually choose the shortest way I can imagine of asking the question. #communication Let me give you one example: Ive had an exam earlier this year, can I come in to have my teeth cleaned? Context: my dentists office. But, if you really paid attention to the question, you didnt need context. The receptionist went on to lecture me on their policy of never doing cleanings without an exam, explaining the process for obtaining an exam, how much it would cost, asked if I had insurance, talked about bite wing x-rays, and then went on to suggest an initial consultation. Im a patient. This kicked off a few questions about my name, and another few paragraphs of hyper chatter explaining that they could indeed do a cleaning. Wow, that was my original question. How about just Yes. Maybe ask if Im a patient, because that avoids a lot of chatter. But, she never heard what I said. She didnt care about what I said. She had a script she was reciting and my actual needs simply arent important. I like to have my teeth cleaned every 3 months, but prefer to skip the extra unnecessary x-rays and exams. For some reason this is a problem for staff because I work outside their orthodoxy. Its not complicated. Do the exam once a year, then clean my teeth every few months when I have a morning available. Its just not complicated. I finally just said goodbye and hung up. We were going to spend as much time talking about this cleaning as the full exam would take. Aside from the extra expense and radiation, she had blown the whole purpose of doing just a cleaning: saving time. Why dont you explain yourself better? asks a friend of mine that often observes my frustration with people and this disinterest in obvious details. They dont care. I do. I use a few words, and if youre prepared to listen its fairly clear what I want. Or, what Im asking. Or, what Im explaining. If I need to explain the entire universe to you to get you to understand I want something round and red, like a red ball, well... I dont have time for that kind of transaction cost in my daily life. This is why we have menus, polices, and procedures. People simply arent prepared to listen and think creatively. Some are. They have the material to survive the information age revolution happening all around us. The human robots do not. At a bar today, I asked one bartender if she could mix a colorful drink that would change colors while she poured it, preferably in 2 seconds or less. She just stared at me and said she didnt understand. Then, I asked another bartender to come over and asked her the exact same question verbatim. She immediately gathered the liquors to make the drink and positioned herself appropriately so I could demo our new app RWND as she poured the colorful drink. The same friend that always asks Why dont you explain yourself better? observed the different responses and exclaimed Did you see that? That other girl is as smart as her but she didnt understand you. Why is that? Its pretty simple: she doesnt care. Some people are on auto-pilot. Beer, whiskey, mixed drink, food. My question was slightly outside the norm. My goal wasnt to get drunk or eat, but to get a cute video. Its not complex. But, you have to care enough to listen to my question. Can you mix a drink thats colorful, and changes color while you make it? Oh, and in 2 seconds or less? Girl number one: uninterested in anything but pouring drinks, getting tips, doing her job. Girl number two: interested in understanding me. Its not IQ. Its not skill. Its interest. I find very few of number two. Its not the quality of my explanation, its the interest level. You cant communicate with people who dont want to listen, and dont care about what youre trying to say.
Posted on: Fri, 01 Aug 2014 21:15:12 +0000
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