UMM AISHAH... PART SEVEN HIS RESPONSE CONTINUES. SECOND QUESTION: Well can the first wife ask for divorce if she cant deal with the situation? ANSWER: I knew a man who had married a second wife unbeknownst to his first wife and kept it secret for about three years! I found this out myself only after meeting him in our hometown after many years and he came to me with a problem revealing to me the secret and how it got out to his wife and she went ballistic (my wording) as did his children and were making his life utterly miserable. He got married after a brother offered his daughter to him and he accepted and saw her on his frequent trips away from his original home. His forst wife demanded that he divorce this second intruder or she wanted a divorce! Mind you, this man even had grown children who were on their own and nothing really interrupted his relationship with the first wife for she was none the wiser all those years. It was only after knowledge of the second marriage came to her that problems began. He lamented to me that for three years he had enjoyed happiness that he did not know existed before SUBHANALLAH! Now he was faced with either divorcing the mother of his children and at her age there was no prospect of marriage thereafter and therefore she would be in a hard and terrible situation, or he had to divorce the second one with whom he had forged a wonderful relationship and a strong and sound marriage due to no sin or shortcoming on her part for indeed she was an ideal wife! If we had to choose, we would say it was not more just, but less evil, to divorce the second wife due to her having more ability to recover and regain her life but either choice is a ZULM with one just being lesser than the other. MY COMMENT: In other words for a woman to ask a divorce KHULA or the like without just cause is a major sin and one which she may pay for in this world and in the. Hereafter. Something which I am sure you already knew before this crisis, and would probably tell anybody else; but in the midst of this upsetting situation what all flew away is, namely, NO PERSON IS WORTH LOSING YOUR HEREAFTER. Your is a key to your JANNAH and as long as he has done nothing to violate islam and its morals, then it would do you far better in your DEEN and your DUNYA to be patient in the situation. If it really turns out to be untenable situation due to a shortcoming in his responsibility as a Muslim husband or something, then you may have a basis for such a drastic life decision as a divorce from the man who has loved and borne his children. I am obviously not a woman and I can only partially imagine what you may be going through emotionally, but as your brother and advisor in this matter you really have to separate as much as much as you can your emotional reaction from the reality of what has really occurred and what is likely to occur in a plural marriage. Will the perhaps 3-4 nights out of a week where you wont be with him ( but still be able to contact him is necessary), or the duty and help he provides for you in your home be really disrupted beyond repair? Is he going to forget yours and the kids names? Will you have to email him or send a postcard to get his attention? Yes, he may have blown it to not let you know ahead of the time and thus you felt betrayed, but what were you going to say, Sure honey its fine with me. Im just glad you told me. Id love to meet her and give her some tips. Have a nice honeymoon. !!?? You mentioned how it was over and how hurt you were, but if his motives were sincere and he did not do so thinking any less of you, what do you think your reaction did to/ for him? I hope you understand I am trying to look at both sides and not trying to blame or blast you or him sister. I just hope to offer you a little perspective as well as the islamic position to the best of my ability. You must put your trust in Allah more and realize that the situation should not be exaggerated up or down. You have a great chance that it will work out, not without ups and downs, but that it will overall be a happy and healthy situation. But I repeat, it largely depends on your attitude and approach to it all as well as your husbands. Your chances are greater if you are more supportive or at least not combative or wholly negative. I dont think he expects you to be smiley and perky about it and blowing up balloons in celebration! I know you didnt think when you learned the Hadith None of you truly believes until he loves fro his brother what he loves for himself, meant husbands and wives! But remember the story of the ANSARI who when seeing his MUJAHIR brother and loving him and knowing what he faced, said to him: I have two wives. Choose which one pleases you and I will divorce her for you to marry. ALLAHU AKBAR! Can you imagine? Take it easy, sister. Im going to stop for now. If anything I have said is off the point unjust, or incorrect, it is surely from me and due to my lack of knowledge and the Shaytan. If anything is beneficial and correct, it is only due to the mercy and grace of Allah, Ar-Rahman, Ar-Raheem. SALLALLAH ALA NABIYYINA MUHAMMADIN WA ALA AALIHI WA ASHAABIHI WA SALLAM. Your brother and Wali, -Abu Ismail To be continued... إن شاء الله
Posted on: Thu, 20 Mar 2014 10:06:33 +0000
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