UPDATE: (Yes, its another really long post.) First off, Thanks to everyone for the prayers. The last few days have been the hardest. We have yet again received not so goood news. I was hospitalized last Monday for pain management. This new pain was the worst pain Ive ever felt in my entire life and would never wish on anyone. We were told that what I was experiencing was caused by even further growth of the leaions on my liverr .While in the hospital, I received my 1st dose of the new chemo regimen. That went okay but I did experience lots of nausea from it (I expected this.) My blood counts took a big hit also and I ended up needing to receive 2 units of RBCs and I had a reaction to this transfusion (wow,aam I luky or what :/ ) Friday night, I spiked a temp and was started n vancomycin and had blood cultures done. Today, I am still on the vanc and get to sport a very stylish fanny pack (insert sarcasm here) for the next5-6 days. Cultures came back normal so they are saying the spike intemp was from tumor fever. I had my second dose of the new chemo today and did good besides more nausea. Tomorrow I get to have a shot (yay, not) that will keep my WBCs from going too lo thus making it so i cannot fight off infections. Oh did i mention thatmy platelets are now back to being super low? Today they were 20 (after being well into the 100s for weeks.) Im pretty bummed about that but I know that I have really no control over it. With this being said, I received platelets today. This is the first plaatelet transfusion in at least 2 months. I also have to go back to daily visits from home health to have labs drawnn :-( My oncologist says that it is eithsr the treatments, the rapid progression of the disease in the bone marrow or possibly a combonation of the two. My pain is now somewhat under control but I go throughout my days feeling drugged. I hate taking medicine but if I didnt, thenI would be in constant, excruciating pain. Yes, this all sucks but this ia the hand I was dealt and I have no choice but to play it. I have selfish reasons for being strong. Iwant to see my children grow up. I want to experience all their lives have to offer. I often hide what I am really going through because I refuse to burdn others with my problems. I have always been a people pleaser and continue to try to do so inspite of what I am experiencing. I know this isnt healthybut I have my reasons. All I ask is for is prayer because I have too much pride to ask for anything else. I know miracles can still happen but I also need to be realistic too. I say this because I have had people tell me you cant think that way, you cant say or speak that way or you shouldnt feel that way. It all makes me feel like a child or like these people could care less. Haw can someone tell another what they should and shouldnt do in a situation that they theirself have never been through. It just bugs me that people could be that way. Not everyone thinks before they speak and I am trying to find forgivness for things that hurt me or make me feel uneasy in a sense but again I am human too. Thanks again to everyonewho continues to show us support. We k ow it isnt easy to read those posts that bear bad news but you choose to endure those times alongside us.
Posted on: Thu, 25 Sep 2014 01:32:52 +0000
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