USAG Ansbach EFMP Team; Tips For Your ODD Child: 1) Emotion labeling, it can be a helpful in deescalating confrontations because it helps your child to acknowledge his or her current feeling rather than continuing to communicate it indirectly through acting-out behavior. A parent who sees a child slamming their back pack down, mumbling under their breath as they get home from school might say to the child, “You seem angry. Tell me about your day at school” Once the emotion is labeled, you as the parent and child can then talk about it, figure out what may have triggered it, and together find solutions. Emotion labeling should generally be done tentatively, in a way that is both asking and telling. (“Brandon, you sound nervous…”, “Lindsey, you seem frustrated…”), this sets up a win-win situation. No one is a mind reader, so you can’t know completely what your child is experiencing. Asking in this “not quite sure” invites your child to correct your assumption if it’s off the mark; communication happens and we have a “win”. If on the other hand you get it right; communication still happens, your child experiences your having empathy with them and you gain valuable insight while possibly avoiding a blowup later driven by unexpressed emotional distress. 2) Spontaneous Rewards means that rewards are given for no reason at all. Your child doesn’t have to do anything to get them, they just happen for no reason. Spontaneously take your child to a park, movie, zoo, or for a walk. Walk in the door after work with a small toy, comic book, or some candy. 3) Tell your children that you care about them. Several times a day say something that says to you child I care about you! Children often feel they’re not loved because of their behavior. Your job is to radiate love. 4) Build their self-esteem. Self-esteem and self-confidence are important factors in the development of and response to oppositional behavior. A confident child is less likely to feel threatened and become angry during conflict. Find something in every interaction the child is doing right. This builds self-esteem in the child and makes her more willing to work on achievement of goals. 5) Spend time with your child. Learn how to play video games; give cooking lessons; ride bikes; go for walks; go bird watching or stargazing; do a puzzle; make a model; fly a kite; shoot hoops; look at clouds. Do something that they want to do. (Consult your local Family Advocacy Office if you need more ideas) 6) Talk with the child, but mostly listen. Listen and take what they have to say seriously. Spend time listening to them about their day and withhold any negative or critical comments. 7) Don’t sweat the small stuff. Kids are people too. Children will make mistakes or act in ways that you dislike. Pick your battles. Ask yourself whether or not intervention is warranted. (USAG Ansbach Family Advocacy is currently offering: Scream-Free Parenting - call: 09802-83-2883 to sign up) 8) Don’t expect miracles. Odds are things will get worse before they get better. The oppositional child has well learned and established ways of interacting with the world and change will not happen quickly or easily. The child will attempt to hang on (like a pit-bull with a pork chop) to their previously successful behavior. The child will likely become increasingly frustrated when you change the effectiveness of their oppositional attempts. Be patient and persistent and celebrate the little victories. Your USAG Ansbach EFMP Team works with you to find the solutions and strategies you need for your Family to be successful!
Posted on: Wed, 19 Mar 2014 08:46:22 +0000
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