Update on me (for those who want to know).... I am settling in to my new normal, which is a life without my hubby. Me, a widow of all things. I always thought my fat unhealthy self would be the first one to go. Again, it just goes to show you that God knows the plan and we dont. I am doing good, but I am sure the upcoming holidays like Fathers Day, Thanksgiving and Christmas will be hard on us all. From experience, the first year without your loved one is always the hardest. I have officially stopped wearing my black outfits for mourning. Most of these youngins today dont even know what that tradition is anyway. In the old days, proper etiquette was for widows to wear black for an entire year to mourn the death of a spouse. I am old fashioned at heart and I could have worn the black for a year, but I didnt want people to think I was depressed or that I went Goth all of the sudden. I will keep my wedding ring on (which is a constant reminder of James) till they lay me in my own grave I am sure. I still see myself as married even though James is gone from this earth. I will see him again, but it just might be awhile..... Oh, if you see me wearing a necklace with a pink clear stone with something red inside it, that would be James blood. I thought it was romantic to have some of his DNA with me here on earth and some feel it is creepy and that is okay if you do. However, you should have heard that conversation take place when I asked the nurse for James blood and James told her I was a vampire...LOL! James never missed an opportunity to get a zinger in. Please no Angelina Jolie references either.... I got a new used car and as Bryce said, Dad would be proud. James and I had discussed my need for a dependable, non-gas guzzling vehicle before he died and we were saving up money for it. For those of you who dont know, my ride was a 15 year old green bus with no A/C (aka Suburban) that only took about $135 give or take a few dollars to fill up. Yep, I was long over due a new vehicle. So I am loving my new black Nissan Altima complete with working A/C and only about $57 to fill up. You can feel sorry for Brandon who now drives the green bus to work. James unfortunately passed away before we got all the money to buy this new car and that saddens me somewhat... I have deliberately decided to get a new YorkiePoo puppy to lavish all my love and attention on. I got this idea from Brenda Bryan when her daughter died and she had Charlies puppy to take home and care for. I watched Brenda take the same walk of sorrow and heart break out of the hospital like I did...when you have all your daughters stuff, but not your daughter. That my friends, is the worst feeling in the world. There truly are no words to described that pain in your heart. But, Brenda had that puppy (the hosp let Charlie keep it in her room) and I remember thinking I wish I had a puppy like that when Sierra died. Brenda just loved on that dog. So, for all you psychologist out there, yes, I am aware that it is a substitute in some ways for James. It aint hurting nothing and I am fixin to be one of those people everybody hates carrying their dog everywhere with them and treating them like kids...LOL...that is my plan anyway. Get ready for some upcoming photos of my new baby in the near future.... So, if your wondering how I am doing? I am doing good. I am enjoying my family and getting back into the work and church routine. I am counting my blessings, which are many. I have my moments of sadness and pain of course, but I move past the sorrow and keep moving forward. I remind myself that God will take care of me as He always has done. I turn my worries over to God and I let Him handle it. I still have the joy and peace that God promised me and I am thankful for that and praise Him for it. If you dont have God, you need to get you some....thats all I am sayin. God bless you and your families and may you have joy and peace in your lives over this Memorial Day weekend.
Posted on: Fri, 23 May 2014 22:14:07 +0000
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