:: WARNING :: If you dont want to feel sad nor read anything depressing - do NOT read any further. I am very tired of receiving messages from people (especially who arent on my FB) telling me to relax, chill out, get over it or to stop whining about the loss of my horse. Let me tell you what exactly happened that day... Have you ever seen a horse being put down? I hadnt - and as the vet was explaining it to me before we did it... Was absolutely terrifying to hear - even worse to witness. A horses natural instinct is to jolt away from the lethal injection once its administered. The vet said, *most* horses dont just lie down... They go down hard. The vet instructed that we stand back as soon as he administered the injection. As he gave my horse, Tucker the injection - Tucker reared, and then flipped over, hitting the ground kicking. I couldnt stomach seeing my horse do that, even though the vet yelled for me to wait until it was safe to approach my horse who was laying on his side kicking, I ran to him and cradled his head screaming. The vet then confirmed that Tuckers heart had stopped... I then noticed that Tucker was still slightly breathing and blinking. I know that the body will have some last reflexes... But I wasnt sure. So before the vet could leave, I asked him to check. Tuckers heart started AGAIN. The vet had to give him THREE horses worth of injections. So with Tuckers head in my lap, he convulsed and took his final deep breaths and then was gone. That is why Im absolutely devastated. It was horrible. The first day - it was full of crying because it was so devastating that I wouldnt see him again. The second day - I think a form of guilt set in. Did I do the right thing? I shouldve been there all night with him. I shouldve given him more pasture time this winter. Was there anything else I could do? But Tucker was drenched in sweat, trembling, labored breathing, faster heart rate, kicking and biting at his tummy, tossing his head and his gums were purple .... And the strong pain injections that he was getting all night - werent helping at all. He was in so much pain - the look in Tuckers eyes were frantic. Like he was searching for someone or something to immediately stop the agonizing pain that he was in. So the vet gave me the last two choices :: Either transport him to Oregon state university for surgery with a 50/50 chance of surviving... or to end his suffering. Surgery wasnt an option in my eyes, considering his old age and he probably wouldnt have survived the trip. We think it was his cancer. Hes had is in his sheath and tummy area for 3 years - and we didnt know for sure the extent of it. The third day and so on - Im just dead to the world. Its like Im too exhausted to even show any emotion... So for all of you rude individuals telling me that I NEED to grow up and get over it... Why dont you experience something like that with one that you love - you might change your mind. Although - today, I was finally able to get to the barn and finally clean Tuckers stall. Ive been at his resting place almost every day, grieving and bringing anything from crystals, glass pumpkins, Angel statues and flowers to decorate Tuckers area. Its going to be tough - and I miss him so damn much. But Tucker has only temporarily left. Ill just ride him through Heavens gates when its my time
Posted on: Tue, 06 Jan 2015 03:31:45 +0000
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