WHERE TO EVEN START...WELL TO EVERYONE THAT MAY OR MAY NOT KNOW ABOUT HOW SICK MY MOM REALLY IS RIGHT NOW AND HAS BEEN FOR THE LAST FEW MONTHS NOW...I AM BEING TOLD THAT SHE IS NOT DOING VERY WELL AT ALL AND SHE HERSELF THINKS SHE MIGHT NOT MAKE IT TO CHRISTMAS...I WILL BE GOING TO SEE HER TOMORROW, WELL TODAY, SO WHOMEVER WANTS TO GO SEE HER OR HAS WANTED TO GO SEE HER BUT HASNT BEEN ABLE TO BECAUSE THEY DONT WANT TO GO ALONE, THIS IS THE TIME YOU MIGHT WANT TO GO SEE HER BECAUSE SHE DOESNT THINK THERES GOING TO BE VERY MANY CHANCES AFTER THIS....I AM COMPLETELY HEARTBROKEN AT THIS TIME. I AM LOSING MY BESTFRIEND. MY EVERYTHING. I DONT EVEN REALLY KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE. WITHOUT HER, I FEEL LIKE A TON OF ME IS DYING. LIKE THERE IS THIS WHOLE/VOID THAT WILL NEVER EVER GO AWAY. IT KILLS ME TO KNOW THAT SHE HAS TO GO THRU ALL THIS HURT AND PAIN AND THERES NOT A SINGLE THING I CAN DO ABOUT IT. IT KILLS ME TO KNOW THAT MY GIRLS ARE GOING TO GROW UP WITHOUT HER, I AM GLAD SHE HAS BEEN ABLE TO MEET MY CHILDREN AND HAVE THE TIME WITH THEM THAT SHE HAS HAD. IT JUST SUCKS THAT, THAT WILL BE ALL THE TIME SHE HAD WITH THEM. I KNOW THAT MY OLDEST GIRL KURERA IS FOR SURE GOING TO TAKE IT THE HARDEST, BECAUSE SHES BEEN THE CLOSEST TO HER AND IS SO BEYOND IN LOVE WITH HER GRAM...ITS GOING TO KILL ME AND BREAK MY HEART INTO A BILLION PIECES TO HAVE TO SEE MY BABYGIRL GO THROUGH THE SAME HURT AND PAIN I WILL BE GOING THROUGH MYSELF. IT SUCKS NOT HAVING SIBLINGS TO GO THROUGH THIS WITH, THAT CAN RELATE COMPLETELY AND SAY THE KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I AM GOING THROUGH AND FEELING RIGHT NOW...I AM FEELING A TON OF HURT BUT VERY ANGRY RIGHT NOW...MY MOM IS ONLY 42 YEARS OLD AND SHE HAS BEEN THROUGH HELL AND BACK AND THAT STILL APPARENTLY WAS NOT ENOUGH? LIKE REALLY! I WISH SO BADLY I COULD TAKE HER PAIN AWAY...AND I KNOW THE ONLY WAY OF DOING SO IS THE ONE AND ONLY WAY THAT WILL HURT AND KILL MY GIRLS AND I MOST. IT SUCKS SEEING HER IN SO MUCH PAIN. SEEING HER IN THE SHAPE SHE IS IN RIGHT NOW. AND IT KILLS ME TO THINK THAT SHE HERSELF KNOWS!!!!! SHE DOES NOT HAVE MUCH TIME LEFT, THAT SHE KNOWS!!!!!! SHE IS! DYING :( I TRULY DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE AT ALL...I KNOW I AM GOING TO BE EXTREMELY LOST WITHOUT HER, BECAUSE I AM ALREADY STARTING TO FEEL PRETTY LOST RIGHT NOW AND FOR THE LAST LITTLE WHILE...JUST KEEP THINKING, WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITHOUT MY MOM? THE ONE AND ONLY PARENT I HAVE EVER REALLY HAD. THE WOMAN WHO HAS TAUGHT ME SO MUCH IF NOT EVERYTHING I KNOW. THE ONE AND ONLY PERSON WHO AFTER EVERYONE LEFT, SHE ALWAYS REMAINED. MY FIRST BESTFRIEND. MY TRUEST FRIEND. MY REALEST FRIEND. MY MOTHER!!! THE PERSON WHO GAVE ME LIFE. WHO RAISED ME ON HER OWN AND NEVER ONCE COMPLAINED OR MADE A STINK ABOUT HAVING TO BE A SINGLE MOTHER AND RAISE ME ALL BY HERSELF ON HER OWN. THE MOST FLAWLESS INDIVIDUAL I HAVE EVER KNOWN. THE STRONGEST WOMAN I HAVE EVER MET OR KNOWN. SHE HAS LEGITIMATELY BEEN MY EVERYTHING. AND I FEEL SO BROKEN NOT HAVING HER HERE WITH US EVERY DAY LIKE SHE ALWAYS WAS. I WISH I WAS ABLE TO BE WITH HER EACH AND EVERY DAY UNTIL THE END...BUT ITS LIKE EVERYTHING THAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG HAS BEEN GOING WRONG EVEN MORE SO SINCE MY MOM GOT SICK. AND NOW I AM TRYING TO DO WHATS BEST FOR MY GIRLS, WHICH SUCKS MOST TIMES BECAUSE THAT MEANS NOT BEING ABLE TO GO SPEND THESE LAST MOMENTS WITH MY MOM, JUST EVEN A FRACTION OF THE AMOUNT OF TIME I TRULY WANT AND WISH I COULD HAVE. I AM SO TORN RIGHT NOW. BUT I KNOW THAT IN THE END, MY MOM RAISED AND TAUGHT ME TO BE A MOM FIRST...THAT NO MATTER WHAT OR WHO IT IS, MY CHILDREN COME FIRST, BEING A MOM COMES FIRST. BUT ITS LITERALLY KILLING ME NOT BEING ABLE TO BE THERE FOR HER THESE PAST FEW MONTHS THATS SHES NEEDED ME MOST, LIKE SHES BEEN THERE THE LAST 26 YEARS OF MY LIFE. I TRULY AM UTTERLY AND COMPLETELY TORN, HEARTBROKEN, LOST, TRULY FEEL LIKE I AM NOT ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE I AM LOSING ONE OF THE BIGGEST PARTS OF ME ASIDE FROM MY GIRLS. I LOVE YOU SO VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY MUCH MOMMY. I THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING YOU HAVE EVER DONE FOR NOT JUST ME BUT MY FAMILY, EVEN FOR MY GIRLS FATHER AND YOU DIDNT HAVE TO DO ANYTHING FOR HIM, ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU COULDNT EVEN STAND HIM, CLEARLY FOR GOOD REASON. BUT YOU STILL DID THINGS FOR HIM AS WELL, SHOWS HOW BIG OF A HEART YOU TRULY HAVE. AND I KNOW YOU WONT EVER BE ABLE TO READ THIS. I JUST HOPE THAT YOU KNOW EXACTLY HOW I FEEL AND THAT I NEVER WANTED OR MEANT TO NOT BE ABLE TO BE HERE FOR YOU AS MUCH AS I TRULY WANTED AND WISHED I COULD HAVE BEEN THERE FOR YOU. I TRULY WISH I GOT TO SHOW YOU HOW APPRECIATIVE I AM FOR EVERYTHING YOU HAVE EVER DONE FOR ME AND MY FAMILY EVEN THOUGH YOU REALLY DIDNT HAVE TO BECAUSE I AM GROWN, BUT I NOW KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN WHEN YOU WOULD SAY WAIT UNTIL YOU HAVE YOUR OWN CHILDREN AND THEN COME BACK AND TELL ME THAT I DONT OR DIDNT HAVE TO DO ANY OF THE THINGS FOR YOU THAT I HAVE DONE. I THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING...YOU HAVE BEEN THE BEST MOTHER ANYONE COULD EVER ASK FOR. YES WE HAD OUR MOMENTS, BUT THEN AGAIN, WHAT MOTHER AND DAUGHTER DOESNT, RIGHT? I LOVE YOU WITH EVERYTHING IN ME. I WISH YOU DIDNT HAVE TO GO THRU ALL OF THIS, BUT I KNOW EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON. AND CLEARLY GOD NEEDS YOU MORE. YOU TRULY HAVE BEEN AND ARE AN ANGEL ON EARTH. AND I KNOW THAT YOU WILL ALWAYS BE HERE WITH RARA, KEKE, LALA AND MYSELF. I KNOW THAT NO MATTER WHAT, YOU WILL NEVER REALLY OR TRULY LEAVE ANY OF US. AND I KNOW THAT YOU ARE IN A LOT OF PAIN RIGHT NOW, WHICH KILLS ME SO BADLY. AND IF I WISHED FOR YOU TO STAY WITH US, I KNOW THAT WOULD ONLY BE SELFISH OF ME. I JUST DONT WANT YOU TO HURT OR BE IN ANY TYPE OF PAIN. I WISH DAD COULD BE HERE BECAUSE I KNOW THAT ITS KILLING HIM BEING WHERE HE IS AND NOT BEING ABLE TO EVEN JUST COME DOWN TO SEE YOU ONE LAST TIME TO SPEND JUST EVEN AN HOUR OR SO WITH YOU....I WISH THEY WOULD ALLOW DAD TO COME, BECAUSE I KNOW HE IS GOING TO HURT FOR A VERY VERY VERY LONG TIME AND KICK HIMSELF FOR BEING WHERE HE IS WHEN YOU NEEDED HIM MOST TOO. I CAN HEAR IT IN HIS VOICE ALREADY EACH TIME HE CALLS HOW BADLY HE FEELS AND HURTS NOT BEING ABLE TO BE HERE WITH US. WE ALL LOVE YOU MOMMY/GRAM. MORE THAN YOU COULD EVER KNOW. BUT WE KNOW YOU WONT BE GOING ANYWHERE EVEN WHEN YOU ARENT HERE IN YOUR PHYSICAL FORM, JUST LIKE AUNTIE. I WILL SEE YOU TOMORROW MOMMY. I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART AND SOUL. THANK YOU FOR BEING THE BEST AND MOST AMAZING MOTHER THAT ANY!!!!! ONE COULD HAVE EVER!!!! ASKED! FOR. I AM SO PROUD TO BE ABLE TO CALL YOU! MY MOM...AND BLESSED TO HAVE SUCH AN AMAZING WOMAN TO BE MY MOM. OK SORRY FOR GOING ON AND ON AND ON. BUT I AM GOING TO TAG EVERYONE IN THIS STATUS THAT I THINK SHOULD COME OR WOULD WANT TO COME WITH ME TO SEE MOM, BECAUSE GOD FORBID, IT MAY BE YOUR LAST CHANCE TO SEE HER....OH MY GOSH DOES IT EVER KILL ME TO THINK THAT LET ALONE ACTUALLY SAY OR TYPE THAT
Posted on: Sun, 14 Dec 2014 06:47:24 +0000
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