WOW! I have to thank all of you for your amazing feedback! Thank you for reading my page, liking it, sharing it and for all the texts and private messages. (The ones that say “Me too” are the most touching.) Friends, acquaintances and people I have never met have reached out to me and many have shared their story. THANK YOU!! Over the last few days I’ve been asked so many different questions about anxiety but there are a few that stand out and I want to answer them. 1. Are you depressed? 2. Are you afraid of flying, getting cancer, Ebola? 3. How do you handle the loneliness? 4. Does medication help? Number 3 was hard to answer because I’ve worked so hard to block that out but it’ll easily come back to me. Don’t you worry ☺ The first time I went to therapy was sometime after high school. I tried to hide my nervousness and sweating body while I told the therapist about myself. He sent me to a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with depression. Ok, lets go with that. Seems fair. I took the medication they prescribed for me and I felt differently but not comfortable. I was extremely uncomfortable. I met a friend a few weeks into taking the medication and she asked me if I was on some happy pill. Hahaha. No! She was joking but of course I panicked. Anyway it did something but not what I was looking for. I did therapy on and off but it was exhaustingnd extremely anxiety provoking for me. About a year later I was diagnosed with SAD- social anxiety disorder. That was the happiest day of my life! Someone figured it out! I had never been so happy to pick up a prescription before. Almost immediately it started working,. No, life was not perfect. No, I didn’t attend every party I was invited to. No, I didn’t sit in a restaurant and order without overanalyzing what I would say to the waiter- should I ask what’s in the salad? I cant. I can. I cant. No, I didn’t sit through the teachers meeting when it was time for each of us to say our name and what class we would be teaching that year. I still had to “go to the bathroom” during that time. Every. Single. Year. But, things improved more and more as I increased my dosage. I was more willing to try new things and learn new behaviors. I gained weight, a lot of weight but it was worth it. So no I was not depressed. I was anxiety stricken and often sad because of it but not depressed. I am not afraid of flying, cancer or Ebola in the least bit! That’s anxiety but social anxiety is different. I’m afraid of random knocks on my door. I’m afraid of phone calls. I’m afraid of interviews. I’m afraid of looking anything than perfect in front of my friends. Loneliness. Ahh. What amazing memories. My loneliest times were during high school. I chose my high school, which was a different school then the one my friends went to because I couldn’t imagine sitting in a classroom with them. I couldn’t let my secret out. So I went to a school that wasn’t right for me and was an hour bus ride each way. That was 9th grade. In tenth grade I switched to a different school, which was better but the nights were so lonely. All my friends either were in the “other” school or lived an hour away. We kept up and hung out often but I wasn’t in school with them. It wasn’t the same. I made great friends in high school but this was a part of me they never knew about. At first I wouldn’t sleep at their houses when they asked but eventually I ran out of excuses and had to. It was excruciating. Going out for lunch was awful and sitting in a classroom with them was the worst. I had friends and boyfriends and still so lonely. That girl deserved more and deserved to live but she didn’t. Life now is amazing but SAD doesn’t go away. I still live with it. Although I don’t take medication daily anymore, I do have my backup pills for situational anxiety.
Posted on: Thu, 13 Nov 2014 22:40:13 +0000
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