Well I made my decision.. Im ready. Possibly unleashing a whole new beast that may have laid dormant inside of me for all these yrs.. I wonder if Ill think those yrs have been wasted for neglecting this beast or Ill try to tame yet another beast.. Cnt one just live in all its fierceness & passion within the limits & rules of the universe without being perceived as wrong, scary, bad?.. Wat if I wanna let it live so boldly u can feel the heat come off my body wen u sit beside me.. Im giving this one a name.. Beast is harsh yet suiting for categorizing.. Its guna b me since Ive killed off every part of me that made my pulse pound thru chest & my heart live in my belly for others that were afraid, insecure, jealous.. Yet here I sit alone with myself picked apart for all those others. I found an evn deeper beast.. Not ever to b viewed as bad, dangerous, cold. If an animal needs to eat.. It eats. Never with a bad intention. It eats, then frolics & plays, then sleeps.. NVR was the animal EVR bad evn if he ate the injured elk lagging behind the rest of the pack as they sensed danger & the wind whispered in their ears to run!.. the universe spoke & the beast blindly followed NVR intending to be a bad energy in the flow & is he bad?.. No. The injured elk was dying.. Slowly & painfully, and in the wild, the pack cnt help this injured, crying out elk.. the beast responded tho.. in all his power and beauty of quenching his hunger pain and has also been provided with life itself. He dnt take more than wat is evr needed, he nvr wastes, he shares with his young, old & other lingering beasts that dnt quite match him but they all manage to get their belly filled without EVR hurting anything in the universe. I dnt need anymore of me murdered for the sake of ghosts. And evn tho my thots may be dancing on the deep end of the pool maybe in reality my beast is just a kitten that I refuse to ask permission to let live or continue to hide in a dark room with no sun on her back or suffer just an occasional accidental glance then the door slammed with fear, evn envy yet the stupid kitten NVR knows enough to think with selfishness & vanity but she is becoming sadly aware of her cold surroundings & NVR knowing if that door will ever open again. Emotional suicide. Such a cursed word but yet well scream out F*** & catch ppls ears, hearts, evn respect for some. Well F*** that.. Tell me wat u really evn know.. And F*** everybody that took their fatal shots at my scary beasts that dwelled & played amongst each other in me.. They were never going to hurt u unless u made me afraid & vulnerable.. So f*** u for EVR making me afraid & vulnerable anyways. And F*** those who jumped at the opportunity to pick me apart for their own selfish fears just to leave me here empty, unsure, alone when i used to thrive, play, & eat my fill in my own skin. Actually Im going to sleep..
Posted on: Mon, 06 Oct 2014 06:44:24 +0000
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