Well, I want you all to know I got a call from Uncle Festus this morning at 6:OO am. He was at the train depot picking up a coon hound he bought from Alabama and he was heading here for a get-together visit and some family drink sharing time. Come ahead on I told him. I got up put on my hat and shirt and boots. Then I remembered. So I took off my boots and pajamas, put on my shorts, my socks and my pants, then my boots and I was almost ready to face the day. All I needed was some Starbucks ultra-leaded coffee to git my day a quivering. I was sure dreading that skull bustin hundered, proof shellac my Uncle Festus runs off in his still at night when the winds are calm and them Federal boys are asleep. I been on the wagon since June and I knew I’d be tempted to get snockered with my dear old Uncle. Last time he was here we both got drunk just sitting under my chinaberry tree out back. Them chinaberry trees will do that to a fellow at certain times of the year. Has something to do with pollen count I imagine. Uncle wants me to be dazzled eyed over his hound so I’ll play the game to keep the old man happy. I did. Then we settled down in my kitchen for coffee and his hooch. “Well don’t just stand there looking dumb nephew, pour us a drink!” I made out like I was drinking that poison but I really wasn’t but I do think them fumes are intoxicating. Uncle said “I read in the paper where New Mexico drug problems have hit the streets, literally. Sez here, The Land of Enchantment now leads the nation in prescription drug deaths. It also routinely tops the nation in heroin overdose deaths.” He goes on to say “We love legalized medical pot smoking too. We’re almost off the charts in drunk driving deaths to go with it in this state.” So I asked him “Uncle Festus what do you think we ought to do about it, maybe move to Belize?” “Nephew, you’re an id-jit. Pour us another drink.” I did, and temptation got me this time, I drank mine. “Hey, chinaberry tree, here we come!”
Posted on: Mon, 09 Sep 2013 18:47:49 +0000
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