Well, Time To Go Out In Front Of A Bunch Of People And Lie To Them Jun 25, 2013 By Jay Carney, White House Press Secretary Well, it looks like weāre about ready. The reporters have taken their seats, the photographers have set up their equipment, and everyone in the briefing room is waiting for me, the White House press secretary, to walk up to the podium and address the American publicās most pressing questions. And all that means only one thing: Itās time for me to go out there in front of all those people, take a deep breath, and then completely lie to their faces for about an hour. Iām looking forward to it. At this point, Iāve gotten pretty comfortable with my daily routine of standing in front of the nationās media representatives, fielding their various inquiries regarding the administrationās position on the issues of the day, and then telling dozens and dozens of lies. Actually, itās incredibly easy. A major part of what Iām about to do comes in the preparation. Long before I mislead the media, I work closely with the president and his staff to make absolutely sure Iām disseminating the appropriate lies on all the hot-button issuesāgovernment surveillance, the economy, Syria, the IRS, whatever. Itās absolutely imperative that I know exactly which lies Iām going to tell and how Iām going to tell them, so that, just a couple minutes from now when a reporter asks me about, say, drones, Iāll be able to nod, consult my notes, and then look that person in the eye and tell him something that isnāt the truth. Itās going to be great. It always is. But when I get out there, I wonāt just be telling straight-up lies to these peopleānot exactly. No, Iāve got all sorts of tricks up my sleeve, from my misdirections, to my veiled half-truths, to my evasions, all of which Iāll soon be using on dozens of respected yet largely passive Washington journalists. Sometimes Iāll merely distort the truth. Sometimes Iāll pretend I donāt understand whatās being asked. And then, occasionally, when I run out of options, Iāll sterilize a difficult question with a meaningless stock phrase like, āWeāll have no comment on the matter at this time,ā or, āI would refer you to my earlier response on this subject.ā Then again, quite frequently, Iāll just flat-out lie, which is largely what Iām planning on doing once I get on stage in a few moments. Itās not always so cut-and-dry, though. Every so often, a member of the press corps will hit me with a pointed question on a touchy subject, and Iāll realize that tossing a simple lie his way just wonāt cut it. When this happens, I simply perform this little ruse Iāve got in which, even though I know exactly what heās asking, I offer a useless blanket statement that doesnāt answer his question in the slightest. And then, if he persists, Iāll just say the president is currently monitoring the situation, at which point Iāll abruptly move on to another reporter, usually someone whoās cozy with the administration and one who I know wonāt challenge me on my endless barrage of bald-faced lies. Speaking of the reporters, they actually do their own part to make this job of mineāin which I lie for a livingāpretty manageable. You see, quite a few of these journalist types are extremely lazy, so they tend to accept my lies at face value, no questions asked. In fact, the lazier ones know exactly how they want their articles to play out long before they set foot in the briefing room, so they only ask questions that reinforce the narrative theyāve already got in mind, all of which lends itself to just about every equivocation, fallacy, and total pile of bullshit that I can come up with. Theyāve got their rehearsed questions, and Iāve got my rehearsed lies. Itās a good setup. And I almost forgot to mention the craziest part about all of this: When I go out there and deceive these reporters, it wonāt end there. Sure, I might start out spinning lies in front of the 50 or so journalists who actually attend the press conference, but then these people go back to their offices and write stories that circulate my liesāpretty faithfully, I might addāto their millions of readers. And then, in turn, these fictions are repeated again and again throughout the public discourse until they eventually attain a level of societal acceptance that ensures the actual truth remains hopelessly obscured, along with any semblance of executive transparency on the issues. Pretty wild, huh? Anyway, thatās how this process works. And now Iāve got to get out there and do what I do best. Wish me luck!
Posted on: Sat, 29 Jun 2013 11:22:58 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015