Well after a day from hell yesterday lasting from morning til night - this morning after I finally climbed out of bed at 9.30 am it has been the calm after the storm as it were, which I am sure a lot of you can relate to. I felt almost normal lol today and was happy to go for a little walk and have a relatively relaxing stress free day - no dramas no mood changes, and I can feel the change today inside my head (I know that may sound strange) but I really can - almost like a feeling of the chemicals changing - lifting - and rearranging - for this I truly am grateful as always. After having one of my bad I cannot cope days, I always clearly see that I do and will have a better day the next day or the day after But in the midst of it all it is practically an impossible task to see the light at the end of the tunnel, it is totally all consuming, devastating, terrifying and even more adjectives than I can think of right now ! To an outsider I realise it is weird/strange behaviour that I display - such is the life of a Borderline ! one moment relatively normal, the next a complete emotional wreck and reverting back to the frightened, sad child that I indeed once was and who has never totally left me. I feel I kind of got stuck at a young age and never have really properly matured emotionally somehow. I was given a Therapist on the NHS here, after being on a waiting list not long after being diagnosed and was going to have a long Course of Cognitive Schema Based Therapy but because one of my homework tasks was to write down my feelings on a day to day basis and I just could not bring myself to do it for some reason - I was told that they could not help me and could offer me no other Therapy and waved me goodbye ! I really thought she would help me face and explore what was stopping me from exploring and naming the feelings and emotions but it was not meant to be - so now I am kind of going it alone without any real suitable professional help, which is hard to say the least. I have no real coping strategies (apart from retreating to my bed!) DBT Therapy which I asked for was declined because my Therapist told me I was not bad enough to be offered this ie I do not self harm.So for now I have to ride the storm when the episodes come on by usually someone unknowingly triggering me. I would love to hear back from any other BPD sufferers, how you cope and what has possibly helped you recover
Posted on: Sun, 16 Nov 2014 18:57:10 +0000
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